The Nocturnal Nomad

Bloodwork, Taxes, & a 1 Minute Dance Party with Pitbull & T-Pain. Ooh Baby Baby. LaLaLaLaLaLaLa

2011-04-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

Have switched gears from wedding planning mode to tax season mode recently, and am finding that I need a new 1 minute daily dance party song to make it through the next 2 weeks.

But instead, I started off the day by getting 4 vials of blood sucked out of me for the old annual and pre-wedding physicals. Last night, it bummed me out to realize that the 8 hour fasting period likely meant I should also stop drinking wine. The most exciting part of the whole experience was the magazine selection at Quest today. I arrived at 11 am and hadn't eaten since 2 AM. What was next to me on the table?
Have a look:

Thanks Quest!
But on the bright side, I'm hoping that having less blood might give me a quick free buzz when I have my dance party moment today.

While I am tempted to make the Little Lion Man or that other Mumford & Sons Song (the cave? ) my daily dance party song, I don't quite feel like square dancing today. And I'm not drunk in a bar, singalonging.

So I think I'm going with the beat that I've been coming home with in my head for awhile now.
There's something about it that makes me nostalgic for a dance circle in 1995 Cancun with Mr. Vain pumping.
I knew it as the Ooh baby Baby Song.
But it's actually called Hey Baby Drop It To the Floor, by Pitbull featuring TPain. Of course.

Holiday Shopping with A-Rod

2011-01-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

Dear A-Rod,

You may or may not have noticed us. But we spent a lovely bit of the afternoon window shopping together on Madison Ave this past December.

As former NYers, we respect the privacy of others, carrying about their daily business, and couldn't bring ourselves to stop you, create a minor scene, and make total asses of ourselves. *(See Historical Note Below)
And we didn't mean to stalk you. Honestly. That's such an ugly word. It was totally accidental... you were much more pulled together-dapper- handsome, and Tall, in person than we had expected, and we just followed blindly. In some strange estrogen haze.

It all started when we almost hit you with the door as we walked out of the J Crew bridal salon. You surprisingly didn't flinch as JenniB squealed "a-rod A-Rod A-ROD" in increasing volume and pitch as I tried to muzzle her with my hand and figure out what the hell she was saying.

We really were going to walk in the same direction as you (trying to find an open bar).
But not for 15 blocks, watching you text, fumbling for our cameraphones, trying to casually snap ourselves in a shot, hoping you'd turn around and offer to do an impromptu photo shoot and then take us to lunch.

So, since we didn't officially "meet" that day, we wanted to share our fond memories of our special afternoon together . And impromptu photo shoot.

Next time, please feel free to stroll into the Cafe Carlyle and join us for a drink .
We're quite entertaining.

Fondly,
The Chicks who were not-so-casually giggling behind you for a few blocks on Madison in the 70's, one December afternoon.

PS - if we run into you again, in San Diego or Singapore, or Hong Kong, be politely forewarned, your NYC bubble doesn't exist there, and we expect an impromptu photo shoot. Or else you're a dick.

*Historical Note- Favorite JenniB Celebrity-Type-Person Verbal Diarrhea Introduction - to DJ Jonathan Peters, circa 1998, early AM, Sunday- as he is obviously trying to get back to DJ booth - "Jonathan!! I'm your Biggest Fan! You have to come meet my friend, Rita too!"
Needless to say, I still have not met JP.
Perhaps it's best that our A-Rod encounter remained silent.

Mental Jootbox / Williamsburg Flashback

2010-10-19T00:38:00.000-07:00

This song has been stuck in my head for a few years, ever since I saw this guy Dave Lear play on some random rainy night at Black Betty (which sadly, has since closed).
That was a really long sentence. Diagram that one, 6th graders!
This was the only version I could find anywhere. (it let me listen to it a few times, then asked for my myspace password.)
It's called country of rain.
It reminds me of eddie & the cruisers for some reason.

Find more artists like Dave Lear at MySpace Music

if that doesn't work , click here:
http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=23876683&ac=now

Thanks, Dave!

TipCity.com --- Instant Savings for All Your Cravings

2010-08-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

Attention: ALL SAN DIEGO PEOPLE WHO EAT AT RESTAURANTS

Today is the day that YOU should go (NOW!) and register yourself (for free) at TipCity.com.

You'll get access to local restaurant specials and exclusive time sensitive "flash deals".

iphone or Droid users can also download the free mobile app.

For much more than just a daily deal, please go to www.tipcity.com

It only takes a minute, and once you set up your basic location and food preferences, Tip City will inform you of local time-sensitive restaurant deals, and standing specials. You can choose to receive emails, texts, or twitter.

**I would love any feedback once you are using it for a few weeks! It's the only way we can succeed and grow. We are signing up more independent restaurants every day, and have a few more chains in the process of going live.

**If anyone can introduce me to any restaurants in San Diego, OC, or LA, that would be oh so fabulous. It's a no-brainer for them...it's a free marketing tool that they can test out and see how it increases traffic and gives them the chance to win over new customers.

Grazie mille!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Look out Groupon, here we come!
OC and LA Friends...we'll be there soon.
Thanks for giving a hand to a local start-up, we hope to help you save cash on food.

Only 3 weeks until the Weeds Season Premiere! Terrible Things by April Smith

2010-07-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else looking forward to this season of Weeds?
I used to be hooked, then lost interest for awhile, but I caught up on last season recently, and am super psyched to see where they take our darling Nancy this season. And to get me even more excited is the fabulous song by Jersey Girl turned Brooklynite April Smith that is in the Showtime Weeds trailer. Which she actually wrote for Dexter. Weeds Season Premiere is August 16, 2010. Enjoy! And check out her entire album on itunes or wherever you get your music. She's got a unique and addictive vintage modern sort of sound.

The audio quality is a bit better in this one, and She's On a BOAT!!!

And a little behind the scenes version, with the official song version...

At Pianos in NYC back in 2008. With some thoughts on Dexter...

Cooler Than Me with Mike Posner - Today's Mental Jootbox on Repeat AND Daily One Minute Dance (Strut) Party Song

2010-04-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

As a fan of efficiency, generally, I dig the whole Two Birds with One Stone Concept. I get excited when I realize that the catchy, borderline OCD, stuck in my head Mental Jukebox song is the same one that I would use for my Daily One Minute Dance party.
And today, it was.
And that makes me happy. And will probably result in the One minute Dance Party on Repeat.
I need to pace myself though, or I'll be sick of this song by the End of mid-May instead of by the End of Summer.

Cooler Than Me, by Mike Posner
File Under: Can't get this catchy, scratchy, groovy, funky, but still somehow smooth, little number of a song out of my head this week. It's been out a few months, but I've been hearing some new remixes popping up lately. Guess the marketing forces-that-be are hard at work to get Mikey out there in time for summer. Well, they've succeeded with me and got my $3.97. I dig this tune, and hope you will as well. You can catch him on the Warped Tour this summer.

Original Version
It's a bit more of a finger snapping, head bobbing version, and doesn't slam as hard or get as Star Wars Trancey as the other remixes, but if you don't happen to be near a dancefloor, don't fret. I think this is a truly great "Walk-Dance Through The Loud Bar And To The Bathroom" Song.

Remix Ft Big Sean...I dig this one- not sure what it is, but there's a subtly different funk / hip-hop low-key groove, and a bit less dance going on here. And the two person vocals make it seem a bit less repetitive.

I think this is my favorite remix at the moment. It seems Gigamesh and the label folks had some minor disputes about prior unauthorized releases being used, but all has since been sorted. And I'm glad it has, because we can now all listen to, and overplay this remix. (@Gigamesh - if you haven't been paid yet, let me know & I'll take this down. And you may want to call ITunes because they're selling it with your name on it.)

Ok, I lied, I think *this one* is my favorite at the moment. It's a different Gigamesh remix I found. Similar to above, but swaps out the metronome ticking with some finger snapping. And adds a bit more vocals in the beginning, which in my completely novice opinion, happen to work really well.
It gets mellow. It gets trancey. It gets a bit more intense. You'll laugh you'll cry, blah blah blah***. Just give it a listen.

***And as an aside...Did you know they say "bleh bleh bleh" in French Canadian? It's the cutest thing I've heard all year.

This one isn't embed-able, and is short. but the energy in it is pretty contagious. you feel like you're onstage.
Cooler Than Me clip, live at Bardot in hollywood

If you go to www.mikeposner.com you can get a free download of the song by signing up for his e-newsletter. Or you can pay for it on ITunes. Go ahead, support a new artist.
Mike Posner My Space Page
Now can someone please remix all of the above into one super remix? Maybe it's time I figure out how to do this stuff on my computer.

August 2009 NY Times article about this 21 yr old lad cutting deals with Sony

Skymall Gems 2010

2010-04-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

Funny and Strange things found in the latest Skymall Catalogue

I've been meaning to get around to this post for some time now, and this week's flight finally gave Motivation a swift kick in the ass, and it came and found me.

Have you ever found yourself thumbing through the SkyMall catalogue while trapped in an airplane at 30,000 feet? And then wondered, "who the hell actually buys this stuff?" and "how much more fun would my life be if i actually had "this* to play with?"
Me too. So I scanned a few of my favorites and would like to share them with you. I hope you enjoy...

When I saw these two items in the first few pages of the catalogue, I knew I'd end up writing this little blogpost one day. How could I not share their ridiculousness with y'all? I am tempted to buy them for our next white elephant / cutthroat polyanna game, but I'm afraid they exceed the typical holiday grab bag spending limit.
Maybe I'll come across them at a flee market someday. A girl can only dream. Or perhaps one of you could send them to me for my upcoming birthday. I promise to share.
This makes me want to think of a Tom Cruise Scientology joke for some reason. And then I think...a hundred bucks? I've gotta try it.

And when I'm done, and my brain is tired, I'll just strap on my gladiator helmet. And enjoy a nice little massage.

SkyMall also has the latest in indoor and outdoor home decor and statues. Aside from the Christmas Story Leg Lamp, you can spruce up your home with these lovely finds...

The peeing boy fountain will always crack me up but the tree face and quicksand drowning man are just plain ass creepy.

And a few more yard decorations for those with more, um, worldly tastes ...

As I flipped through the catalogue, I noticed a strong trend in the pet housing, comfort, and poop-hiding areas. As expected, there were pet stairs and anti-bark shock collars, but here are two new favorites of mine...

Because your dog cares about sports teams.

This futuristic helmet looking litter box may quite possibly double as a space ship. Either way, that cat is definitely up to something mildly evil.

Some toys for the kiddos that you may not find at Toys-R-Us.
This first guy might cause small heart attacks. It says he's 6 inches long. That's pretty freaky if you ask me, and I don't mind spiders all that much. 6 inches is like half a ruler long.
That's a big friggin spider.

You can use this when your friend's spider attacks you. And any other time you want because it looks like a ton of fun. I wonder what else you can load into it.

This is just really cool and I've wanted one for about 3 decades.
I wonder if he can do The Robot.

I found this next one a bit odd, but then thought maybe it was for the more intellectual child.
And then I read the text and was even more puzzled.
Do any of you have children that have expressed an interest in a "hands-on way to discover fuel cells"? In my eyes, that might be cause for concern that I had a terrorist in training on my hands.

I was *so* ready to buy one of these giant inflatable Yogurts or King Kong guys, until I realized there was no decimal in the price.
2 to 3 grand for one of these bad boys??? Seriously?
MAYBE, I'd do it for $500. Just think of all the fun you could have at family parties.Or in Vegas.

When I moved to California, Christmas, and winter, seemed odd to me because there wasn't any chance of snow, and I noticed a stark shortage of evergreens. And there was just something slightly off about putting lights on a pine tree in December when it was 70 degrees outside. So I'd been thinking, " wouldn't it be cool to have a palm tree christmas tree instead?"
And then I saw these tacky disasters.

This page contains a SkyMall trifecta...
1- Has anyone tried the Christmas story board game? I'm very curious.
2 - Fix your neck, AND look cool while doing it. Inflatable Portable Neck Traction allows you to treat your aching neck anywhere you go!
3- When I first saw this What Day Is It DayClock, I thought, who the hell needs that? Ok, maybe the elderly? And then I came home from a trip and got the day wrong. Twice. In about an hour. Then I realized that this happens to me quite frequently lately. So please add this one to my birthday list as well.

These are just creepy. Feet are weird enough without doing this kind of stuff to them...

Looks like the NRA is working on the editing staff at SkyMall.
"Functional accessories" for my home. A pretty rock candle. And a nice metal gun closet.

Who didn't love their footsie pajamas back in the 70's? Or at least love them until your feet got all hot and sweaty and the fuzz started to clump up inside ? (mom used to cut them off at the ankles so we could remove them mid-night, but i think they make them footless now, but i digress)
I've always wanted a good pair of footsies again.
And was excited to see that my dreams might soon come true. Until I saw the patterns they've picked...

The skulls are do-able, but I was really hoping for Pooh Bear or Unicorns.

These are so Mission Impossible, and I'm excited that we can finally have them!
I think I might look slightly suspicious if I ate dinner at a restaurant wearing these, but I might be able to pull them off while jogging.

I saw and read this one, and then thought...

Um, NO.
Absolutely not. Ever.
When I'm under water, I'm generally focused on more important things like pretty fishies, and not dying.
But, if you feel so inclined, You can now make phone calls underwater. Thank god. And Thank You SkyMall. See you next flight.

SkyMall article Apparently, the marshmallow bazooka is a huge seller!

Happy Tax Season from Craig David and I

2010-04-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Haven't been here in a bit. Took a little break from life to actually work and survive another tax season, and am happy to report that I'm heading to FedEx to drop off my final east coast package. Everyone on time again this year. Now onto my own taxes next week...

But first, I'd like to relax for a bit, with Craig David, and this song that helped me get through the final push. It's a DJ Premier remix of "7 days". Hope it makes your body sway, head bounce, fingers snap, and all kinds of other things. Now go file your taxes.

Grrrr.. and the Signs of the Week

2009-12-26T23:45:00.000-08:00

Look who I parked behind!

My favorite not quite right sign that I saw this week at the bowling alley...

And I think I'll be skipping appetizer numero uno at our new local thai place...

And in " I guess I shouldn't feel so guilty for driving an old gas guzzling Cherokee" news...look who I parked across from... the small penis mobile!

Martha Does it again! I met Bernie Williams! And Weekly One Minute Dance (Strut/ Crawl) Party

2009-12-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

In exciting personal news, the boy surprised me with a date night jazz show...to see Bernie Williams, one of my favorite former Yankee players and his jazz band at Anthology in SD.
It was an amazing show, I had no idea he had such talent and was de-stressing from games by jamming away and making such beautiful music.

Take me out to the ballgame was an incredibly touching rendition, and the crowd threw in "Route route route for the Yankees" at all the right times.
Made me miss my friday night season ticket crew, our nosebleed "First Row Upper Awning " Shielded-From-Rain seats, the marlboro man and his shaggy mullet, yeunglings at stan's, and Bernie coming through with some clutch hit.
Cheers to Bernie on his new career! He graciously lingered forever signing cds and chatting with the crowd, which was much appreciated, as i'm sure he was beyond ready to head home.
Please go see him if he comes to your city...I think he'll be known for music instead of baseball pretty soon.

---------------------------------------------
Am finally catching my breath after last week's Thanksgiving marathon. Had never roasted a turkey before so we decided to have practice Thanksgiving last Monday night so I could try out my new recipes and attempt to cook a large bird for a few friends without ruining everyone's meal on the big day. It was definitely a learning experience.
I was not at all prepared for the waterfall of blood and turkey juices that gushed out as I removed her wrapper, or the nastiness I'd find tucked inside our pretty little lady.
For some reason, I was under the impression that giblets and necks came in a tidy little bag tied neatly with a bow. Not the case apparently. But she gave her life for us, and so I will attempt to make soup out of her spare body parts, and I am thankful that when cooked, she came out beautifully. And so did her sister a few days later... I made a second feast for Mom's visit on the official day. I'll get around to posting my recipes on that food blog I occasionally update. But in the meantime, if you're going to buy a turkey, go find yourself a fresh Diestel one. They were definitely worth all the hype. (And are cheaper at Siesel's / Iowa Meat Farms than Whole Foods)

But I digress. The real reason for my post is to share another one of Martha's gems that arrived in my inbox last week. In case you were wondering how to dress the baby for Thanksgiving. Or needed a centerpiece.

If you missed my last Martha costume post, click here... Oh Martha

Hope you all had fabulous meals with friends and family. And did not eat your children.

Also wanted to thank SYTYCD, which I have gotten sucked into this season for using one of my favorite songs from earlier in the year. It's a great chick anthem by Melanie Fiona, Give It To Me Right. So click play and get up and dance. Or in this case, strut sultrily, and perhaps crawl. It's good for the soul. And the video makes me look forward to heading back to NYC next week.

Mental Jukebox (aka Jootbox) - Songs from Commercials

2009-10-07T11:48:00.001-07:00

I seem to be in a super musical mood today, with a few recent commercials songs stuck in my head. Which is probably what they were trying to accomplish. But I had to google them to find out what the actual products were. So I guess the mission wasn't all that accomplished. But they've got my attention now, and I will attempt to get them stuck in your head as well.

A mellow song to sway to while doing dishes, from the Dove commercial...Wash Away by Joe Purdy. "Lost" fans may recognize this from last year. I think this would be a shoe-in for the potentially upcoming CD "Music for your Baptism Party".

And now, for the slightly vintage / modern rock sounding, get up off your butt and dance for a minute song for this week, which I learned is not called "Falling"...Here is "1901" by Phoenix. Get out your best Sprockets-like dance moves folks. It's in the recent Cadillac Crossover commercial. Here is a live studio version from some radio station.

Which reminded me of Bloc Party so I had to put this one up too in case you feel like continuing your dance party at a slightly faster pace. This amazing live clip is from a Bristol show and the energy and rawness of it made me feel like I was there. I recommend spinning in circles until you fall down. Trust me, it feels great.
Warning for those at work: I can't make it through this one without jumping up and dancing.
So press play at your own risk. Or convince your coworkers to get up and dance with you. How cool would it be to walk into the DMV and see them all gettin down for a minute?!

As I was lying on the floor recovering from circle spinning, I had a flashback to high school and my then favorite circle spinning song...Just Like Heaven by the Cure. Enjoy!

Stop! Hammer Time! Courtesy of BCBG

2009-09-23T14:35:00.000-07:00

I came across this gem today while doing some indian summer cleaning. Apologies to the fashionista crowd for being a season behind. I'm an excellent procrastinator.
The BCBG Max Azaria outlet store in Carlsbad has recently made its way to the top of my heavy rotation shopping route, and when I got their summer / fall catalogue, I was excited to see what I would find on the racks there in a few months. Once they made clearance prices, of course.

And so I anxiously thumbed through the pages and saw...
Photo 1 - ooh, cute dress, very nice, have to try that on. would make the girls look good.
Photo 2 - not so me, but cute pieces. dig the bag.
Photo 3- stopped breathing. good lord. oops i crapped my pants pants! Are you serious BCBG? MC Hammer must be filing lawsuits like crazy because I think, if anyone, he's got the patent on these contraptions. although maybe not the cropped version. It also kind of looks like she might have put her shirt on her legs. Hmmm.

(Click photo to enlarge, then back on your browser)

I have a feeling I am going to see heaps of these in the outlet store come November. Let me know if you want me to pick you up a pair or three. They're available in a variety of practical colors. Only $158 / pair. But I can probably grab them for $19 at the outlets.

Oh Martha, what have you done? Presenting the Baby Lobster Costume

2009-09-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

This little gem is my favorite email from the inbox this AM.
From the title, I thought there was some definite cute potential.
And then I looked at the photo.

Am I the only one who thinks there is something a bit wrong with this?

Scroll down

Ready?

Just in time for Your Labor Day Low Country Boil Party!

He's on a friggin platter!
With condiments and garnish.

I am really hoping that we don't see headlines in the next few months about some redneck that boils his baby in a lobster costume.

But good thing there's still plenty of time to get all that sewing done before Halloween. Looks like I'll finally be ready for those human sacrifices I think about making every autumn, but always seem to put off.

Courtesy of Martha Stewart Craft of the Day. Which I am not sure why I get, but may not be unsubscribing from in the near future if it continues to provide this much entertainment.

Lobster Costume How-To

What we learned at Disneyland

2009-09-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

1) Unfortunately, the parking garage does not accept magic, love, and / or Disney spirit as payment.

2) There is no alcohol sold within the park. (*** exception below)
There *are* several eating / drinking establishments with deceptively misleading names like The Mint Julep Bar and Refreshment Corner. But don’t waste your time sprinting to them for an early happy hour. Unless you want some juice or a Coke.

3) Fat people carts, fka The Jazzy, are now being referred to as “Electronic Convenience Vehicles” (ECVs). For those of you with legitimate non weight-related medical issues, and the elderly, ride away. To the rest of you, please consider walking.

4) Johnny Depp is even stunningly hot as a mechanical fake pirate figure. I almost fell out of the Pirates of the Caribbean boat several times turning around to ogle him. (No photo available. I was so starstruck I forgot about my cameraphone)

5) It is a children’s park.
This means, among other things, that Uncle Walt and staff will not allow you to purchase a photo of you and your friends on a ride if someone is performing a “boob grab” (Official Disney Terminology. I kid you not). They will, however, send a nice patient manager out to give their inflexible inappropriate photo policy spiel, and you will be kindly escorted back to the ride (ironically, to the front of the line, with the fat people waiting on their ECVs,) to re-ride and attempt a more Disney friendly retake.
So for all you boob grabbers…take a photo of your photo when it appears up on the wall at the end of the ride. We are kicking ourselves for not doing this.

6) When riding the carousel, they *will* yell at you over the loudspeaker if you start whipping your "horsies" with the leather seat belt strap. And they do refer to them as “horsies.”

7) In other Uncle Walt Is Always Watching You infractions…they *can* see you, in the dark, even on the water rides, when you stick your hand into the magic Disney rivers and splash your friends. This will also result in a public loudspeaker chastising.

8) Happily, none of these playful violations results in expulsion from the park, a trip to the naughty chair, or a stay in Disney Jail.
(But how much fun would Disney Jail be?!... Maybe next time. A girl can only dream. )

9) The place is insanely clean. Sweepers with cool hot dog cart like vacuums appeared on Main Street 3 minutes after the end of day Celebration parade to suck up the rainbow colored Mickey confetti that littered the ground. They don’t sell gum. This also means that you don’t see gum on the streets anywhere. I think Disney & Singapore are on to something. Streets and sidewalks look magically new and clean without gum and cigarette butts.

10) It’s a Small World is just as soothing and magical as it was when I was ten.

11) The crowd is interesting and diverse. Princess costumes optional, and of course, sold on site. (The kids XL ones looked potentially wearable, and although tempted, I left empty-handed, unable to find a Tinkerbell one. ) Along with $18 balloons and every imaginable product in your household that they could figure out how to re-brand as Disney.

For those contemplating a visit….

***In 2009, you can get in free on the day of your birthday. You can also get an Express Pass to cut lines. Your friends, however, will all have to pay $72 and wait in lines. But it was definitely worth it. The first week of school seemed to be a good time to go. Lines were all under 30 minutes most of our day, but got a bit longer for everything by late afternoon. A good part of the waiting time turned out to be in the shade, and even in A/C. Go Disney line planning department!

*** Per the staff, it should be packed Labor Day, then die down until Thanksgiving. So those of you with Sept Oct and Nov birthdays, get yourself over to see Mickey and friends pronto. Not sure if they’ll have this birthday thing next year…

***Re: the alcohol thing - You can get your hand stamped and take a 3 minute walk out to Downtown Disney and enjoy a wine or beer with your meal. And the new California Adventure Park does allow adults to drink responsibly. * There is a private place, Club 33, in the New Orleans section of the park that does serve beer and wine, but apparently it has a long wait list (13 years)to become a member. Club 33 Wikipedia

***For the smokers – there are 3 very scenic relaxing clean smoking sections in the park. I had to used them just on principle. If I couldn't drink, I was at least going to smoke. Check your map…one is near Matterhorn, the other by Thunder Mtn Railroad. The other is a bit more hidden and close to the site of our boob-grab incident.

***You can bring water and plastic bottles into the park, but glass is a no-no.

-Princess Rita

Friday One Minute Dance Party - Weeds Flash Mob with Michael Franti and Spearhead - Say Hey (I love You)

2009-08-14T16:05:00.001-07:00

If you're a Weeds viewer, this isn't new to you.
And if you're a radio listener (am i the only one left without satellite?), this will no doubt get old soon.
Why is that always the case? We love to overdo it, don't we?
Well, until then, I am going to enjoy this fun song that I still love, and get my ass up off the couch for a few minutes and dance in the sweet summer sunshine.
Please feel free to do the same.
Happy Friday!

in its fabulous entirety...(EDIT: sorry, they disabled the embed request, so you have to go to youtube to watch it...just a click away)

From Weeds, for the cable-ly challenged...

Why I love California # 83 - Cougar Acceptance

2009-08-03T15:02:00.001-07:00

We are not only overpopulated with Cougars, we are now holding contests for them. The official press release for this weekend's event at the local racetrack was actually titled "Cougar Alert."

Del Mar racetrack holds contest for Miss Cougar

NEWS IN BRIEF OF COUNTYWIDE INTEREST 2:00 a.m. August 3, 2009

Women who consider themselves “cougars” are invited to apply for the crown of Miss Cougar Del Mar 2009.

The Del Mar Thoroughbred Club, which operates the horse races, announced the new contest to promote the Cougar II Handicap, the longest race of the seven-week meet at 1.5 miles.

“Del Mar won't hide that the seaside track is known for attracting cougars of all kinds,” the club said in a statement announcing the contest. “The mature ladies on the prowl have come to be a staple element of Del Mar's charm.”

To apply, submit a photo, contact information and one sentence describing qualifications to be crowned Miss Cougar to misscougar@dmtc.com by 5 p.m. tomorrow. Photos will be posted on delmarscene.com.

The winner will be announced Wednesday, and will be invited to present the Cougar II Handicap race trophy that afternoon.

The winner will receive four passes for Friday's races. –T.M.

For more details...
http://www.delmarscene.com/press/cougar.alert.doc.htm
http://www3.signonsandiego.com/stories/2009/aug/03/1m3b2briefs233719-short-takes/?uniontrib

Why I Love California # 84 - Everything Really IS Super Chill

2009-07-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I haven't shared the prior 83 with y'all, but I do have a rough list somewhere. I figure I've been here about 83 weeks so far, and have come up with at least one new reason each week, so I'm starting now with

Why I Love California
Reason #84
Everything Really Is Super Chill
The people, the dogs, the attitudes, even, as I recently learned..... THE COURT SYSTEM!!!
Check out the starred section from my recent jury duty letter.
Just show up whenever, dude.

(Click to make larger. Then click back button on browser to return. )

How to Fix Runner's Knee aka Patellofemoral Syndrome

2009-06-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

(Medical / knee school handouts are below)
A few months ago my knee started hurting worse than it ever had before. Then one day I woke up and tried to go down the stairs, but with a leg locked straight and a good amount of stabbing pain, it just wasn't happening.
I tried to R-I-C-E my way through it for a few weeks, figuring my joints were just getting rusty, as I am no longer in my teens. Ok, or twenties.
And then I got on a plane.
About an hour after takeoff, I started feeling this burning sensation that built up until I thought my knee might explode. I drank and fidgeted and massaged my way through the flight, then hobbled through the Houston airport to get to the nearest bar to wait for my connection, crying over the fact that I had to get on *another* plane and have my knee try to explode again.
I was seconds away from getting on the disabled and fat people cart for a pain free ride to the gate, but my pride held on strong.

So when I got home, I decided it was time to seek official medical attention. I knew I hadn't ripped anything, or I wouldn't be able to walk, right? So I did what any rational person would do. I logged onto WebMD and self diagnosed myself. I came up with no less than 7 potential conditions, 5 of which require surgery. But when I saw a real live doctor, he knew right away...Runner's Knee.
I still get a kick out of this because it implies that I am some sort of athlete. Occasional Jogger's Knee might be more appropriate.
It's nothing super serious. It just basically means you have a muscle imbalance around your knee, and they push and pull and give you pain and popping. In most runner's cases, the quads get too strong, so you need to build up the hamstrings, and inner and outer thigh muscles.
I've spent a small fortune on physical therapy (aka knee school) over the past few months, and decided it might be nice to share the exercises and save you some cash. Most of them are just basic stretches, but if you do them everyday, the pain does subside, and you can get to using small ankle weights in a few weeks.
I still haven't run again yet. It's been about 3 months. I'm now up to "brisk walk", but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyhow, if you are having knee pain, go see a sports medicine doctor. I claim no responsibility for any injury you had, have , or may have as a result of these exercises. You need to get your strength tested to figure out which muscles you need to strengthen and which to lay off.

In general - avoid squats, especially with a weight bar, and stay away from that seated quad leg extension machine. I was warned to stay away from the elliptical and bikes as well. So I tried them both. You *should* probably stay off the elliptical. Very rough on the quads. Bike riding has been hit or miss, but a 15 minute ride, then a rest, then a ride home seems to be having no negative effects, as long as I don't start with pain.

For the exercises - start with the stretches on page 1 below. Do 3 sets of each, holding 30 seconds. If you feel pain, STOP!
Then move onto the laying down leg lifts. For the first week or two, don't use any weights. Just do the reps very slowly and focus on form. As you feel your legs getting stronger, add 1 then 3 pound ankle weights.

If you have access to a Pilates Reformer type machine (aka The Shuttle at knee school), you should be able to do Leg Lowering, Leg Circles (both ways), and Leg presses after about 2 weeks. Highly recommended. Those machines rock, and got my abs in better shape as well.

I'm very excited that you can actually fix this thing with a few simple stretches. Had no idea how much I'd actually miss running. And the exercises are simple enough that you can just lay on the floor and do them while watching tv. The other good news is that after about 3 weeks of these stretches, your legs really start to look pretty fantastic. It's a good well rounded warm-up that you'd better get used to, because to prevent runner's knee from coming back again, you're going to need to keep up with these exercises.
Happy Healing!

(Click blurry stretching man page below, print, then click back to this blog and repeat for page 2. Additional 4 page handout from the MD is below)

Also - Ice is your friend. It makes me squirm and I'm not a fan of how my knee feels immediately afterward (even the frozen food section at the grocery store makes my knee hurt), but the medical people keep insisting I ice it when done with stretches or exercise. I think it does help. I'm just a baby that doesn't like cold.

You & Your Runner's Knee - The Medical Handout

Did this help?! Comments and other tips welcome!...

You Learn Something New Everyday

2009-06-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

I learned a few new things this week and thought I'd pass them along...

-That new Ped Egg thing is great. But if you push too hard, it makes your toes bleed.
- You can get drunk really quickly from 1/2 glass of wine if you have been fasting and had blood drawn.
- Those fancy Triple Blade Razors? Well, when you reach into a bag and come out with one of them stuck to your finger, it leaves a nice deep Triple Blade Cut.
- If you hop on the line at Yogurtland with some of their sample cups, you can try so much free yogurt that you won't be hungry anymore and won't have to buy anything. Haven't been asked to leave yet. But am curiously wondering where that oversampling threshold lies. Maybe Costco sells those sample cups in bulk...
- There are enough tanning salons and yoga places in the San Diego area, that you can get free tanning and yoga for a good month or two if you play your coupons right.
- Tanning Salons have gotten MUCH fancier since the 90's. The beds are like colorful little rocketships with lots of fans and speakers built right in. (Remember trying to put the fan in the right spot on the floor so it blew through that little crack in the bed, giving you a hint of light wind occasionally?) And when you walk in, they have this fancy Fort Knox-like technology where you give them your fingerprint. (I know this is California, but seriously, Who steals tans?)
- Gold's Gym is not just for muscleheads anymore. Yours truly is now an official member. So watch the mail for your tickets to the Gun Show.
- After a year and a half-ish in San Diego, I now officially know how to get to Sea World. So book those flights now, east coasters. (I hear LegoLand is around here somewhere, too...)
- I just saw a commercial for a website called, no joke, ...Online Booty Call.com What has this world come to?
- You still cannot give a belly fart to a dog.

What Happens In Vegas

2009-05-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I re-learned the hard way, again, and would like to remind you that:
a) 30 something bodies cannot rage or recover as well as 20 something bodies
b) 2 nights in Vegas is PLENTY
b1) it is entirely possible to lose 8 pounds in 3 days
c) you have a much better time if you know someone - the lines are REALLY long, especially at XS at the Wynn, and especially on holiday weekends
d) Not to be a party pooper, but... you should stick to well lighted crowded areas, with buddies - our friend stumbled into a crime scene in the Hard Rock parking garage. I'll spare the details, but there was full on blood cleanup involved. And the words "multiple homicide".

The handsome boyfriend & I headed to Sin City for my 34th this past Memorial Day weekend and I might still fail at a sobriety checkpoint. We stayed at The Palazzo suites at The Venetian, which was a beautiful place with huge rooms and lots of flat screens. Highly recommend it, although I think they were experiencing a dish shortage, as they were a bit pushy and constantly knocking to ask if we had our room service trays ready to return. If you go there - The Tao Beach Pool is small packed and like a spring break crowd. Head over to the Azure Pool, and say hi to the hostess, Marcia from last season's Rock of Love Bus. You'll spend *way* too much cash for a poolside bed, but can enjoy great overpriced Wolfgang Puck food and drinks while you lounge.

We got to see my other boyfriends from New Zealand, Flight of the Conchords, at the Joint at the Hard Rock. Fantastic show - they started dressed as robots singing Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor. A lot of new stuff, and classics like Business Time. Can I count them as one on my Fab Five Fave list?

If anyone wants to get those last few pesky pounds off before summer, I highly recommend the Vegas Diet. We lost approximately 2 lbs per day.

Once again, I ended up at the Vegas airport checking into an earlier flight than planned.
But at least Southwest didn't lose our luggage.
And a nice big fat Bite Me to Continental Airlines, who still have not found the boyfriend's Costa luggage. Virgin America Baby! Here I come!

Other weekly highlights:

Quote of the week - AK at my birthday wine party, when asked if she was hungover after a very late drinkful Sunday night..." Not at all, I danced my hangover off."

Favorite Chinglish Signs, from my B-day present book from ehlen:
On an Escalator:
Keep Your Legs. No Running.

On A Trash Can Near ATM:
Please Don't Dump Your Receipt and Keep It Carefully To Avoid Gangster Get Your Information.

I Dig Swiffering, and other thoughts

2009-05-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

I got a new Swiffer recently. Hadn't swiffered in over a year and forgot how much I really enjoy it. It's not quite as intense as a workout, or even a yoga class, more like a mild soothing stretch. But one where your floors end up clean in the end, and I'm all for two birds with one stone.
If you've never swiffered before, they have a dry version and a wet version, but both work on the same lightweight stick. I personally go for the dry then wet combo. But sometimes I find the dry-dry-wet combo even more effective. And for floors that have been neglected a bit, you may need the heavy duty dry-dry-wet-wet combo.

Have you been following this space shuttle drama? Very exciting stuff. Apparently, the Hubble telescope is old and broken and we sent up some astronauts to fix it. But there is a 1 in 220 chance they'll get hit with space debris and get stranded. Then we'll have to send up Another space shuttle to rescue them via spacewalk. And if that isn't exciting enough....then they'll have to set a self destruct code on the broken space shuttle and blow it up. Leaving more space debris behind to hit them next time they go fix Hubble.
Maybe I'll send NASA some swiffers.

In lighter news, this week on tv I watched Tyra say sometimes you need to have an "outer" body experience. It reminded me of a certain verbally challenged friend I have. And then Ramona on NYC Housewives tried to say "kudos" (I think) and she enthusiastically said "kadoos" to us. And speaking of NYC Housewives, is it me or is this Kelly chick completely loony? Either she is boozing it up a bit or has some memory or personality disorder.

As for world news, I have to say that I am kind of excited that there are still pirates out there. I feel bad for the people whose ships they hijack. But pirates in 2009 is pretty cool if you ask me.

In you learn something new everyday news....
Did you know that you can't give a belly fart to a dog?
I was very disappointed. It makes a warm swell, and the dog looks at you funny, but the fur muffles any intended sound.

Happy Friday! One Minute Dance Party with Madcon

2009-05-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

This song is stuck in my head at the moment so now I'm sticking it in your head. Happy Friday!

Costa RRRRRRRita

2009-05-06T10:50:00.001-07:00

So I've been a blog slacker lately. After tax season ended, the handsome boyfriend & I joined a few others in Playa Avellanas, near Tamarindo in Costa Rica for a week. It was beautiful and jungly and hot and somewhere in between 2nd and 3rd world, and I loved the slow pace of life and lack of phone and internet connectivity. And accidentally repeatedly calling their money Cojones instead of Colones.

If you're planning to visit, don't even think of going without a 4WD vehicle...they have a very loose definition of the word "road" down there.
I'd also avoid the next few months, as rainy season is about to hit.
And Continental. They are not so good with the luggage checking thing. His still hasn't turned up. And the "customer service" we received involved being lied to multiple times, and then hung up on. Thanks to the generous Geneva Convention, the limit for lost international luggage is a whopping $640. Luckily, guys don't need much more than a bathing suit, some flip flops, and sunscreen to make it through the week. He was a real trooper about it, although I think he was secretly lamenting the loss of his bag of protein powder. (Not readily available in the jungle)

Aside from the amazing waves, tasty food, and ziplining, we saw monkeys!! All over the place. They lived up to their name, and howled like wolves in the woods. Check out this baby one jumping through the trees.

Stay tuned for future post of the letter to Continental, sharing our feelings about the lost luggage experience. I may need some help from my gals Kelly "Sometimes I like to write letters", Amy "that must be some amazing elevator", and Jackie "free stay at the 4 Seasons" as I am thinking they should compensate us with something like Elite Status for Life and No Checked Bag Fees.

Sometimes I Like to Write Letters # 2

Jerk Hammering

The Dance of the Sunset Palms

2009-04-15T04:04:00.000-07:00

Am hitting the home stretch with tax season, and needed a few relaxing minutes today, away from tax forms. While watching the sunset out the window, I thought the palm trees were dancing to the music we had playing. Check them out...

Happy April 15th! Go pay your taxes already.

Older, and slightly More Flammable: Thank You Therma-Care Heat Wraps

2009-04-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

I like to read warning labels and fine print on boxes. The things they are required to print on them these days cracks me up. Like nut warnings on packages of nuts. Today I was reading the Therma Care Heat Wraps box. (Shameless product pitch - if you have not tried them for cramps and aches, you are missing out. They're like ski boot warmie packs but with velcro to wrap around you and make you feel soothing heated love)
On the back of the box it reads:
55 OR OLDER: YOUR RISK OF BURNING INCREASES AS YOU AGE. IF YOU ARE 55 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER, WEAR THERMACARE OVER A LAYER OF CLOTHING, NOT DIRECTLY AGAINST YOUR SKIN...

I was not at all aware of this. But apparently, we are all getting slightly more flammable with age.

Silk Tie Dyed Easter Eggs - Create Magic with Loud Tacky Patterns - Get in Touch with your Inner Martha Stewart this Easter Weekend

2009-04-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

If you've never tried dyeing Easter eggs with men's neckties before, then get yourself down to the local thrift shop and recycle a few, or do some closet raiding. (Make sure they're real silk though. Polyester & cotton ones won't work. The tackier the pattern, the better....purples and pinks work great. Yellows, not so much)

I learned this from some woman on the martha stewart show a few years ago and have been doing them ever since. The tie patterns transfer to the eggs in trippy abstract patterns, and no two are ever identical. Don't expect perfection - sometimes you'll get whole chunks of the pattern, other times, just some warpy blurs. And you may want to open the kitchen window when you cook these babies up...the vinegar and dye stinks the place up a bit.

Here are some photos from this year's batch:

Instructions are here:
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/silk-tie-easter-eggs

Friday One Minute Dance Party with Pink and Bimbo Jones

2009-04-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! It's gorgeous out! And I'm almost done with taxes! And exclamation points. In keeping with my Brooklyn / Amy / Ellen inspired tradition, it's time for the daily one minute dance party.

This Bimbo Jones remix of Pink's Sober makes me get up off my lazy tax returning ass. And it's also a great boxing workout song. So put up your dukes and celebrate Friday with Pink, Bimbo Jones, and a minute of dancing.

Interesting Tax Form Lines

2009-04-03T14:20:00.000-07:00

Each time I prepare a new tax return, I come across new and interesting lines that have made their way onto our tax forms, usually via some new government program / rebate / assistance package. If you haven't read through a 1040, or other tax form...they can get quite technical, and require you to jump through mathematical loops as you go from line to line. The additions of these little lines just crack me up and make me have to go back and start my math over.

For example- Line 42 -
"If Line 38 is over $119,975 or you provided housing to a Midwest displaced individual, see instructions. Otherwise, multiply 3500 by the number of exemptions on Line 6d. "
I guess we should have all been housing midwesterners for tax breaks this past year. Who knew. But I bet i can find some nice deductions with those Meth Lab startup costs.

There is also an actual question that says...
"Was the business located in a Qualified Disaster Area? "
I am wondering where to get this qualification form, as my office might qualify on most days.

Some lines just make me say "Huh?"...Line 60 - K
"Additional tax on recapture of a charitable contribution deduction relating to the contribution of a fractional interest in tangible personal property."
All I get from this is that someone got in trouble for overstating some donation and now we have an extra line cluttering up our tax forms.

One thing that really annoyed me to learn...You know how they preach that student loan interest is tax deductible? Well, it is. Kind of. Until your salary hits $70,000. Then the IRS thinks you make too much money and you can't deduct loan interest. Bet they don't mention that when you fill out the loan applications.

(Skip this paragraph if it does not affect you, it's a bit technical and I needed to vent)
And that new 2008 First Time Homebuyer Credit?
It's not really free money, folks. You get up to $7500 this year, but then have to pay it back at $500 / year, starting in 2 years. So be prepared for a slight bump up in your tax bill then, and for the next 15 years.
*** A note - If you bought between 4/8/08 and 1/1/09, you got screwed. You have to pay your "credit" back, while those who bought from 1/1/09 to 12/1/09 don't have to, and they get $8k.
Also - this lovely plan starts to phase out for Singles making $75,000 and couples making $150,000. And you aren't even eligible if you're single making over $95 or a couple making over $170 .
When are they going to get in touch with reality and set some normal limits?

One thing that made me happy is that there is now an expanded section for Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships. Some states are allowing couples to file jointly, but the IRS / Federal Government is still making people file separate federal returns. Dipshits.

Ok, back to tax returns. Hitting the home stretch now...

A Belated Happy St Patrick's Day Wish. "It Could Be A Crackhead..."

2009-04-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Since I was in the boonies in wine country with about 6 seconds of total wi-fi connectivity in a week, I missed my long awaited St. Patrick's Day post. But I met some great new classmates in Napa (see above photo).
So here is one of my all time favorite clips, which I, and you too, have probably seen a gazillion times. But if it ever fails to make me laugh, just shoot me.
Have you ever seen a sexier, more charming gold front smirk?

While I was out of town spending money in Napa...

2009-03-25T21:30:00.001-07:00

...I could have been making some just by hanging out on my local freeway.
Did you guys hear this story? It happened right up the street.

Epilogue- They have footage of people on camera picking up cash and are telling them to turn it in...Or Else.
Just wondering...If I happen to have picked up $3k and returned $1500, how would they know??? (I have a rock solid alibi. Really.)

Suspects toss cash during San Diego freeway chase
Two drug suspects tossed $17,000 onto San Diego freeways during a police chase Thursday afternoon. Motorists stopped to scoop up the bills, but police say officers recovered most of the money.

"I just saw cars stopped and them picking up money from their cars," said witness Nancy Acosta.

Police and federal drug agents were following the suspects' pickup truck when the driver fled on busy Interstate 5 during the afternoon commuter rush. They tossed $20 and $100 bills out the window before surrendering.

Cash was blowing across freeway lanes, Sgt. Kevin Rausis said. Some motorists stopped in traffic lanes to pick up the bills.

"People were jumping the median and stuffing dollar bills in their shirts," according to Cal Walker with KOGO traffic.

Law enforcement officers shut down Interstate 805. Officers following the money trail collected more than $17,200 and some passers-by later turned in cash to police.

Officers believe there is still more money out there, and are warning people to turn it in.

"It is evidence in a crime and they should turn it in to their nearest police station," Sgt. Kevin Rausis said. Officers may look at police helicopter video and Caltrans cameras to identify people who took the money.

A spokesperson for the DEA would not give details about where the money came from, but did say that it was part of a bigger ongoing investigation.

My Reality Show Update

2009-03-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

With the help of my trusty little DVR. I've managed to keep up with a few more than usual reality shows this season. And just when one is ending (Orange County Housewives) another seems to be waiting in the wings to take over its time slot and get me sucked in again (NYC Housewives).
Some thoughts on the current crap I've been watching:

Rock of Love Bus - This show going to be *s0* boring without Ashley's commentary. Although, I have to agree with poor heartbroken Bret that still living with your baby daddy is sort of grounds for ending your tour. Am guessing VH1 held back this minor detail so we could have plenty of quality trashy ashley time this season. Stay tuned for Ashley's Rock of Love Bus when she ditches papa in a few months...

Make Me A Supermodel - What happened to Nikki Taylor? Who am I kidding? I tune in to see Tyson Beckford for an hour. But I did like her, and now there's some new chick, and no explanation. And they switched some rules / structure things around this season, but I'm willing to see where it goes. And in the meantime, watch me some Tyson.
This crew has yet to grow on me, but I do see some potential. Apparently they couldn't find guys as hot as Perry and Ben and someone else from last season, but they did set their own bar quite high for a season one.

American Idol - Vocally / Performance wise, I think the top 5 should be, in no particular order...Adam Theatre Guy, Allison Young Rocker Chick, Danny Whose Wife Just Died, Matt Piano Guy, and Lil Girl Can Sing Rounds
On Last week's Elimination - I did think that Alexis chick had a decent chance, but she didn't belt out Jolene the way I expected she could, and the way I do in the shower...and i think Young Allison could have blown the crowd away with that one. So I agree with the judges and would not have rescued her myself. In case anyone is wondering.
On This week: I dig Megan and hope she ends up as some funky jazz bluesy type artist, but let's face it, the show is keeping her around for the pretty face and bc they needed to round out the top 10 for the tour. When did we start calling her Megan Joy? I think her or oil rig guy are going home.
Kris Allen and Anoop have been pleasant surprises.

Celebrity Rehab Sober House- I got pretty into this show and the people on it, and am going to write them each a brief letter in an upcoming post.

Confessions of a Teen Idol - If you missed this season, hopefully they'll do another, or you can catch the inevitable rerun marathon one easy Sunday morning. I thought it would be cheesy at first but found that they explore a lot of interesting avenues about fame and talent and celebrity. Eric from The Grind did some soul searching and grew into an interesting person, albeit dramatic at times. And I think we'll see Christopher Atkins as the next Robert Redford in a leading role in the next few years. As well as David Chokachi, the baywatch hottie. Although my prediction for the Jeremy Baywatch guy is, unfortunately, another round of rehab.

America's Best Dance Crew - I'm slacking this season. Nobody got me as hooked as the JabbaWockeez from seasons past. Still have a few episodes to watch, maybe my opinion will change.
Ditto for Dancing with the Stars -have seen bits and pieces. and am bummed that Steve-O got hurt. Fill me in, please! Is it worth catching this time around?

Real Housewives of NYC - Good to have them back. This crew has more depth than the Orange County crew and fills me with an nyc nostalgia fix as needed. Good to see Simon & Alex are still pretentious wannabe social climbers, even after seeing themselves as such when the last season aired. Their kids are going to have one hell of a time in kindergarten.
As always, I'm looking forward to Bethany's one liners.
The countess writing an etiquette book is a bit of a joke to me. Not sure if it's the editing, but I've seen her violate quite a few big rules, and i'm no Miss Manners.
Ramona is either on something or had a bit too much of an eye lift.
And who is this new chick? Can't she afford a bra?

Tool Academy - I got sucked in and had to watch until the end, but I have, um, a slight feeling that maybe this show may have been a little rigged. (How did they know the one guy had 2 girlfriends in the beginning?) And when it got down to the final contestants, quite predictable. I just couldn't believe they'd have a testosterone freak, who is self-nicknamed "Matsu-Flex" win the show. Although he did have one of my favorite moments this season. Imagine your parents meeting your boy/girlfriend for the first time and saying something like..."during the lie detector test yesterday, we found out that I was sleeping with an Ex." So much for first impressions. But if you're dating a guy who calls himself Matsu Flex what the hell do you expect?

Any other shows that am I missing out on ?

While trying to find out if I was going to die from tainted water, I found this local news story...

2009-03-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

March 22, 2009

Motorist smashes into house, reveals pot farm

A 63-year-old motorist was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday after he crashed a GMC pickup into a neighbor's house in Pacific Beach.

The crash, however, revealed a small marijuana farm within the damaged house, and police said they have a few questions for the residents.

The crash was reported at 3:48 p.m. on Morrell Street, said San Diego police Sgt. David Jennings. After the marijuana farm was spotted through a gaping hole in the side of the house, police obtained a seach warrant and then confiscated more than 20 pot plants, police said.

It was unclear Sunday where the residents of the home had gone, nor when they would return. A neighbor said they had gone skiing, possibly at the Mammoth Mountain ski resort.

Posted by Mark Arner | 11:20 PM

Finally! Some Real Excitement in Del Mar!

2009-03-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Since moving out to San Diego, I occasionally realize how much I miss the drama of NYC news. We have no subway stabbings, no shoddy un-inspected scaffold or crane collapses, and except for that crazy Santa shooting spree last Christmas, we don't have much gunfire. Aside from car chases and the imminent crashes, our emergencies tend to be of a more natural / man interfering with nature variety: earthquakes, drought warnings, forest fires, our armed forces accidentally crashing planes on training missions. That sort of thing. We also have mexicans running/boating/being stuffed into various types of vehicles & transported across borders, but apparently those busts happen so frequently, they rarely get good coverage anymore.
Our most recent leading news story has been a whale that's gotten himself lost, and has just been hanging out in one of our harbors for the past few weeks. That should give you an idea of the general level of excitement we get out here.

I am not at all a fan of being on government lists or in databases...that Clear Pass thing at the airport where I give them my iris and fingerprints totally freaks me out. But I *would* like to know if my block is on fire, so I put my name on the San Diego Reverse 911 list when I moved last year. This morning I got 3 phone calls! Last night we had....drum roll please...a water main break!! I am advised to boil water until further notice. they said for 72 hours, but that seems like an awful long time. I am kicking myself for not getting a new Brita filter this past year because I filled that bad boy up somewhere around 2am and am doubting its filtering capabilities. Note to self- may have to toss Brita. So I guess in hindsight, I'm glad I didn't just buy a new one. And I am trying hard to remember if I drank from that potentially tainted batch. I definitely had OJ around 3. But water? Not quite sure. I am not experiencing any violent stomach symptoms yet, so that's a plus. I think I have to go see what time this all went down... And then make sure my health insurance application gets through ASAP.

Side note - I went to find an exciting photo of the water main exploding somewhere nearby, and this is what I got...
That's the best they could do? What about the explosion???

Name Those Eyes...

2009-03-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

She's precocious. And she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush.
As I was singing the Kim Carnes song, I found myself wondering...what exactly do Bette Davis Eyes look like? My old glamour movie star mind database is pretty much limited to Joan Crawford and Audrey Hepburn. So in case you too are curious, here they are.

American Idol Gossip Websites

2009-03-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

I've gotten sucked into American Idol this season, and as I was watching last night, I found myself making up fun scandals that might involve some of this year's contestants. As Paula is no longer sleeping with finalists, I am hoping someone will step up and create some excitement this season. Surely someone must have told a good white lie on their application or taken some saucy, about to resurface photos at some point in their young life, right? So expect for some of the following websites to make their debuts this spring...

Scott isn't really blind.com
Anoop is the guy from Slumdog.com
Who the hell is this Kris Allen guy.com
Jorge is Elian Gonzalez.com
Simon is Adam's estranged father.com
I'm Danny's Wife, the show made up that whole death thing.com
Jasmine is Pregnant.com
The Oil Rig Guy Got a Lap Band for the Show.com
Buy Lil some better pants.com
Alison is Kelly Clarkson.com
Anoop is Sanjaya.com
Cara and Randy Spycam.com

Thoughts while Jogging (Or Yogging)

2009-02-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

I went jogging today (some might pronounce it “yogging”) and some strange things ran through my head. It may have had something to do with the chat I had beforehand with Michael Phelps but, regardless, my brain was in a slightly bizarre place today. This is some of what I was thinking about as I ran...

-In the movies , when they jump onto a moving train from above…you can’t really do that. Maybe if the train is going REALLY slow and it’s all those open flat cars like in Texas. But the train passed me below while I was running up on the cliffs and I thought there is No Way I could land on that thing. It goes way too fast. MAYBE, I could have had a chance if I jumped before the train passed, but that might not end well.

- I live in California now! (Yes, it’s been over a year, but sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere)

- I don't know my license plate number

-Del Mar is a really gorgeous place to live. The flowers are already starting to bloom on the paths along the ocean cliffs and it’s only February. You east coasters should get yourselves out here for a refreshing sunny long weekend while you are still dealing with winter, and fares are cheap.

-I saw a fat man with a surfboard go down some steep oceanfront cliffside path that I’ve never seen before, and I thought if *he* can make it…so I followed him. It was really fun, and I didn’t fall on my ass. And then I realized…

-I should check the tides before I decide to venture down some steep cliffside path and run along the ocean. It’s quite wet. But then I realized…Rocks are fun to jump on!

- I haven’t changed my Brita since I’ve lived here. I moved into my place last March. Is California water ok to drink?

-Shit, I’m totally in love. It happened out of nowhere in about 6 weeks and it’s the greatest thing ever. Except the part about turning me into a sappy wuss. I’m still adjusting to that.

-The Donovan Frankenreiter show at the Belly Up was so great the other day, I think I’m going to try & get tickets on the street Thursday for the other show. And then try to get him & the band to join us for an after party. He’s just one of those people that you get a great vibe from, and I think he’d have a fantastic time jamming with my neighbors.

-The I-pod shuffle is one of the greatest inventions ever. It makes you forget you are running, and takes the fear out of skiing. Thank you Apple.

- I was looking at my leg and thought I saw some sort of muscle definition happening in the quad area. I was quite proud of myself. About 10 minutes later, I realized it was a smear of black dirt creating a shadow of faux muscle tone.

Shaq gets down with the JabbaWockeez

2009-02-16T14:05:00.000-08:00

I dig America's Best Dance crew on MTV and the JabbaWockeez are my all time favorites. Here is a short clip of Shaq performing with them at the NBA All Star game this past weekend. Not bad moves for such a big guy.

Weekly One Minute Dance Party with Joss and Common

2009-02-11T02:22:00.000-08:00

Get your lazy butt up off the sofa for a brief minute or two, and get down with the lovely Joss Stone, to the song that happens to be stuck in my head at the moment.
It's a slightly mellow but soulful and hip moving rhythm this week.
So the out of shape can probably groove with her for the whole song.
Enjoy. Joss rocks. The Common rap is a bit of a buzz kill if you ask me.
But Joss still rocks. Sing it,baby.

For Grandpa Milo - Merry Christmas Dear Ones

2009-02-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

It took a room full of people about 5 minutes of clapping and cheering, but we finally coaxed a smile out of him and captured it at my cousin's wedding in October in the photo above.
A belated post of a sad but nice poem that my uncle read this Christmas, a few days after we lost our grandpa.
The poem is a bit on the religious side for me, and may be for much of my reading crowd (all 8 of you :)) so feel free to substitute your higher power of choice for the Jesus parts if you feel so inclined.

MERRY CHRISTMAS DEAR ONES

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting in the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
So be happy for me dear ones.
You know I hold you dear and be glad I'm spending Christmas,
with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift,
from my Heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory, of my undying love.
After all "Love is the gift, more precious than pure gold."
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the blessings or love He has for each of you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

The Truth About Being a First Time Mom, As Told to Me by my Friends, and Mom

2009-02-06T14:06:00.000-08:00

Babies, babies, and one more baby!

There seems to have been something in the air about 9 or 10 months ago, as proven by the recent baby boom among my girlfriends. A belated congratulations to Mich & Todd (and big brother dog Nick) on the arrival of little Cassidy, and to K&W on Isabel's arrival. Today, I'd like to send cross country congratulations to Sarah & Marc & their new little baby, Vincent Blu.
Good luck guys!

For Mich's shower, I solicited my mama friends for advice...
What should you expect with your first baby that the books don't really tell you?
What do you do with a new baby?
What surprised you?
I think they are brilliant, and they haven't (seriously) harmed a baby yet.
Here is what they came up with....

(This is a long one, so if you don't have or aren't planning on having babies, skip to the next one...)

Get a pedicure before your due date so that when you are feeling all gross after the birth, at least you will have pretty toe nails.

The coming home outfit should be simple (like a sleeper, not a fancy dress) and size Newborn (rather than 0-3 months) is best – she won't fit into the NB either, but at least she won't look so lost.

Stay at the hospital as long as you can because once you are home, you won't be able to rest as much as you can in the hospital and don't feel guilty about sending the baby to the nursery at night - they will bring her to you when she needs you - you will spend plenty of nights with her once you are home.

If they offer bath classes or any other classes on the maternity floor while you are there, go to them.

Watch how the nurses swaddle her - they are amazing – practice as much as you can while you have the nurses to guide you. I still can't do it the way they can.

RELAX. Your baby does not know whether the left corner should be folded before the right corner on a receiving blanket or whether her feet should be bathed before her arms. If you act relaxed, your baby will be relaxed.

Use an adult emery board to file her nails (bring one to the hospital - they come out with long nails. The baby ones take forever to file and you can get much closer to the skin with the emery board as opposed to the nail file. File while she is asleep on your lap after nursing

If you have to get a urine catheter - make sure it is hidden under a blanket or under the bed before you have visitors - it is kind of embarrassing. Mine wasn't hidden when big sister A came to visit newborn brother L for the first time and we have her asking about it on video so I can continue to be embarrassed for the rest of my life.

Keep a journal of things - like when she naps or when she first started doing things like rolling over, etc bc you are going to want to compare your next one to the first and even though you think you won't forget the first time she rolls over -- you will.

Let grandparents, friends, husbands, neighbors do whatever they offer.....cleaning, errands, food prep, dog walking, etc...

Accept help, even if it is not as perfect as you think it should be. There are many ways to do things and there are many babies who have survived.

When you get home from hospital, expect: (a) to not recognize your body. (b) to be too tired to make simple phone calls or get anything done. To not care about (a) or (b).

Between hormones and exhaustion don't be surprised at how emotional you can be the first few weeks.

Don't be surprised when you leave the hospital that you still look 5 months pregnant! I was shocked. I expected my stomach to be a lot flatter quicker.

Pooping--it can take awhile after giving birth for you to be able to poop normally again.... take the stools softeners the nurses offer.

Go easy on yourself - don't expect too much at first in terms of getting back to your normal life – it will come. In the mean time, enjoy having just one little one to focus on, because it won't be the same the second (or third) time around.

Be prepared to have night sweats when you get home - I can't remember if I had them with first baby girl A, but I had them for 5 months with second child L, and just a week with third child, K. I slept with a towel under me.

Have some of those thin over night pads with wings handy for when you get home - they are much more comfortable than what you will probably get at the hospital.

Don't be afraid to let the baby cry. It is their only form of exercise and sometimes you just have to get something done –like take a shower or eat lunch. 3 minutes of a newborn cry feels like 3 hours to the mom, but keep an eye on the clock and you will realize they weren't crying that long.

Don't let the lactation consultants freak you out!! Don't get me wrong, some are very nice and very realistic, but there are some that are very die-hard and they can panic you for no reason. I don't believe in nipple confusion - I have never talked to anyone who had their infant give up the breast for a silicon pacifier or bottle. Give your baby a pacifier if she is a sucker and get her on a bottle as soon as you want to. I had one consultant yell at me for even having a pacifier in Kyle's bassinet.

Regarding breast feeding - the let down of your milk can be painful- imagine your nipples clamped in a vice. Apparently this happens to 20% of nursing moms and I am one of those lucky ones. It lasts about 10 seconds. I thought I had a yeast infection when it first happened.

If you are going to pump, start early - 2 weeks or so. Pump on one side, while she is nursing on the other at first, so you can start to build up your supply - you can never have too much mommy's milk.

Always have a phone and drink of water and remote close by while breastfeeding. Phone never fails to ring as soon as you are sitting on couch and baby is either happily nursing or sound asleep on you.

Buy an immersion blender and just stick it in the pot / bowl of fruits/ veggies. Don’t use a plastic cuisinart from china.

Babies are loud when they poop. You will be shocked. I called the doctor. No one told me this was normal.

Even girls will pee on you. Learn to change diapers QUICKLY to protect yourself.

Nap with baby when you can. She will be snuggly and smell good and make cute noises.

When you are up at crazy hours of the night, be sure to check out what’s going on at neighbors’ houses –who is up, who is just getting home, etc and enjoy the feeling that you and baby are only people in the world (other than sleeping husband… grrr ). Also, I recommend the E channel, TLC and Discovery Health.

Pay extra attention to the dog . Get him some new toys and treats that you can dole out to him the first few weeks you are home. Also, at least once a day those first few weeks let Todd/grandparent, etc. stay with the baby between feedings and take Nick for a walk by yourself. It will feel so good to get out of the house for a bit and Nick will appreciate it too.

Get dressed and get out of the house for at least an hour a day - even if it is just a walk or a quick trip to Babies R Us or Target or something. Try to talk to at least one adult (other than your partner) every day. These small things will make you feel like a person and not just a human feeding/ changing diaper machine.

Baby wipes are great – they get crayons off toys and furniture and clean a variety of things. Have wipes everywhere!

Pack your hospital suitcase early in case your water breaks before your due date.

Select a colorful robe with a pretty design to perk you up and to hide the baby's spit up stains. A front zip or tie robe and front buttoned nightgown are more practical for breastfeeding and for getting dressed easier.

Rest whenever you can. Your energy level will be lower and you'll be tired often. Unfortunately, this tiredness increases as the baby becomes more active.

Your coming home outfit should be comfortable and have an elastic waistband because you don't know what you'll weigh after giving birth.

Don't wear maternity clothes after delivering your baby since this will depress you and turn off your partner. Even a cheerful new tent dress is better.

Don't worry about the umbilical cord getting caught on the soap etc. It will fall off naturally, and everything will be ok if it's an innie or an outtie.

Sing a lot and play a lot of light music, especially when your baby 's diarrhea leaks out on your new slacks. Your baby doesn't do these things on purpose. The tough times won't last; the precious memories will. Keep things in perspective. Ask yourself, "Will this really matter five years from now?"

Treat your baby with the care, love, patience, understanding and empathy that you would expect from your spouse or your friends.

Don’t worry, you’ll learn to interpret cries like the "hungry" cry, the "Gas pain" cry, the "overtired "cry, the "bored "cry, the "lonely" cry, the "teething "cry etc. You really will learn to distinguish them and to react with comfort or companionship.

Pray your child will learn how to talk soon because it is so much better when your child can tell you her ear hurts instead of just pulling it.

Time will make communication better. So will a glass of wine once in awhile.

Food: It gets messy. Put a big plastic tablecloth under the highchair & let your baby have fun discovering how to get the food from her fingers to her mouth. As long as you don't have germs crawling all around, don't worry about a mess.

Add good food to colorful, healthy vegetables. Build broccoli trees and turkey breast houses. Enjoy this stage as an adventure.

Don't use the Lennox china baby set; use plastic (be green somewhere else) plates and cups with caps.

Food: If you pretend to like it, your baby will usually think it is great. Keep making mmmmm sounds and smiling. Get used to the baby's strange faces while tasting new foods. Play choo-choo often with the food going into your baby's mouth.

If the fussies don't pass, they will in about six months. Everything passes. I remember when it seemed like R would only eat mac and cheese for a year. She lived and did get vitamins somehow.

If your toddler has coca cola and sugared cake at a birthday party, be prepared for a very hyperactive overtired kid who cannot listen to reason until the sugar, caffeine, preservatives and artificial color wear off. This too will pass. Control what your child will eat for as long as you can.

Make your child think she is very special if she has allergies and has to eat different food. If you get across the fact that it is for her own good because she won't get a tummy ache and it is because you love her, it will work better.

Don't give food to a crying baby who isn't really hungry. Try rocking her in a rocking chair instead. I highly recommend getting a rocking chair for the baby and for you. It gets both of you through many nights of earaches, stuffed noses etc.

Receiving blankets calm a baby and help them adjust to the new world without panic. Slowly wean your baby away from receiving blankets.

They do make the baby more secure. Hands under the blanket, wrapped tightly for awhile remind the baby of being in the womb.

Eventually, the baby will get used to hands out without flipping them around in fright.

Night feeding: Stay quiet and calm so the baby gets to know the difference between day and night (sleep). Just put the night light on instead of bright lights. Change the diaper in a more quiet way than during the day. Feed the baby in the dark. This worked great for me. R and T both slept through the night by three weeks.

Diapers: Sorry, but I'm not green in this area. Buy lots of disposable diapers. Dirty diapers stink. If you wash off your own diapers, you can spill poop on the floor while on the way to the toilet/ laundry room & get very frustrated, so be careful if you use them. Choose sanity; remind yourself that you take care of the environment in different ways.

If you get ointment on the diaper's sticky tab, do not try to use it because it will unfasten, and you'll have a mess.

Make new friends with other new mothers who also start talking funny and who become concerned about mundane things like whether to get a soft coated feeding spoon or a stainless steel one. You need to become a part of a new social network -one that you may have scorned in the past.

Take your baby out in the stroller often. The fresh air and change of environment are good for you & for the baby.

Look online and in the community section of your local paper (the paper that you used to leave out in the driveway / rain/ hallway) for new mothers' classes, mother toddler-gym, mom & me art, YWCA classes etc.

Rediscover bowling leagues, (no, I'm not kidding) because many have nurseries.

Go for car rides with your baby when your baby has the fussies or after your baby gets her shots. Most babies fall asleep from the womb-like movement of a car ride. Bring a book to read in a parking lot while your baby naps.

Have two security blankets, cloth diapers, snuggle toys, same stuffed animals so both have the baby's scent. Then when one is being washed, your baby won't cry and be able to tell you are giving her another new blanket or cloth.

A cloth diaper works great as a security blanket, and it's shorter so it doesn't drag on the car floor.

Singing is great- a baby seems to learn more patience when the mother sings to her while she is waiting for his food etc.

Sing anything. After all, your baby won't know if you forget the words.

Don't expect your life to ever be the same again. There will be more worries but also more LOVE in your heart than you ever imagined you could have for anyone.

Go out on date nights with your baby's father, or out with the girls. Your baby will learn to have less separation anxiety if she has opportunities to see that you will come home after you go away. Play peek a boo a lot at first and get a Jack-in -the box to get your baby prepared for you leaving and coming home. She learns trust this way. "Bring back" a little book or toy (that you’ve bought ahead of time) so she looks forward to you going and coming back

Listen to advice but then trust your instincts and remember…you are the mother. If you need help, admit it and go for help. Talk realistically and honestly to others. It's a learning experience for all of you. If you expect perfection, you'll still have the tears and frustration, but you'll miss the fun and a wonderful experience to grow.

I hated this piece of advice but it turned out to be true… I had so many questions about baby care, feeding, dressing, sleeping, etc. and people often told me…don't worry you and baby will figure it all out. I hated that answer, I wanted to know, what people dressed their baby in to sleep, how did they know if they were too hot or too cold, is the diaper too loose or tight, are they eating enough/too much...etc But it is absolutely true, I had never been around a newborn before my own and you do figure it out as you go along.

Thanks to Court, Nic, Dunk, and my mom for the great advice. To the new mamas- let me know what you have to add to the list, as it's a work in progress.
I hope to have What To Do with a Toddler ready by the time these babies are crawling.

This Capt Sully / Miracle on the Hudson Story Still Brings a Tear to My Eye

2009-02-06T11:31:00.000-08:00

The cockpit communications from last week's miraculous plane landing on the Hudson River were released and I am even more impressed with this pilot than I was before, and still cannot believe everyone survived. To think that he was trying to land a plane in a river as he kept calmly talking alternatives with the tower is just mind-blowing to me. Although I didn't know US Air was still around, I think I'm going to be flying with them from now on.
Katie Couric snagged the first interview with pilot Chesley Sullenberger for 60 Minutes, and it will be aired this Sunday night. I'll be watching with a big box of kleenex.

File Under: I Love Lamp

2009-02-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

This clip makes me snort.
It's only a few seconds long...

A Bunch of Random Monday Thoughts, and a Spontaneous Trip to the FBR Open in Scottsdale

2009-02-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

FAVORITE EMAIL OF THE DAY
In my inbox this morning were some coupons for this month's specials at my local salon. Gotta love California.
This one was my favorite.

I read their "menu" and learned that they also do anal- bleaching. Reminded me of JB's blog about Boyzillians in Singapore.

WEEKEND GETAWAY
For some reason I woke up around 545AM on Saturday and when I checked to see what time it was, I saw some texts on my phone from friends visiting Scottsdale for the FBR Open Golf Tournament telling me to get myself out there. Long story short, at 7AM I was in my car heading for the airport, and at 835 my flight was taking off for Phoenix. We didn't watch too much golf but spent a nice afternoon relaxing in the sun on (or rolling down) a hill near some green that a few golfers passed through.

Some notes to myself, and tips for any of you who may visit next year on how to make the most of this event:

-Bring my "exotic" shoes to be shined at the Phoenix Airport. I have been trying to figure out which of my shoes might qualify as "exotics." The shoeshine man was not present for me to inquire, and I am still insanely curious about his history with exotics.
- Stay at the Mondrian Hotel in Scottsdale. It has white astro turf on spacious balconies, which was totally new to me. Actually, the whole hotel was pretty white. And the lobby felt like I was in a (white) Miami hotel.
-When driving from California, there is a border checkpoint at Arizona with some big doggies that sniff your car as they pass it.
-When driving back to California from Arizona, there are 2 border control spots but they are only interested in you if you have a Mexican family hiding in your trunk. If you are white, they seem to wave and smile. It is pure racial profiling at its finest. Wasn't this banned back in the garden state?
-When at the tourney, drive past the $20 parking lots, there are some $10 lots around the corner
-If you bury your cell phone / camera good inside your purse, you can bring it in. Should have brought mine, then I'd have some photos.
-Drink ahead of time. It's crowded, beer tents were few and far between with long lines. But at the makeshift pub, waitresses come out to the line and will sell you beer. And only beer. Nothing but beer. We heard there was a real bar somewhere but as we shuffled around all day like a packed herd of cattle, we never found it.
-Skip the crowded wrist banding station when you first walk in. There are some further in with no lines.
-Be prepared for a day of only porta-potties... however it is that you like to prepare yourself for such an event...purell, extra tp, some noseplugs. Unfortunately, flip flops are not your friend in these situations. (side note- has anyone seen the aussie mockumentary film "Kenny" about the porta-potty company guy? it's a classic in my book)
-Get a program. It might be helpful when trying to figure out who you are watching.

-Dinosaurs are not extinct. They are alive and well and seem to congregate near Shell stations in Arizona.
-The drive back from Scottsdale is through a lot of pretty desert, and you'll dig it if you're into cacti like i happen to be. There are also dunes as you get closer to SD where I hear they filmed some Return of the Jedi scenes. It looks like a cool place to park your RV and ride around on some quads.

-The sheep must remain inside the vehicle while you make pit stops. Sorry folks, no quickies in the bathroom.

And the award for Best Overhead Quote of the Day Goes to a 20-ish girl, crying hysterically on her cell phone, wandering around in 85 degree heat near the tournament gate, saying " But I've never taken Ecstasy before..."

TIGGER MAKING HEADLINES
So those (approximately 8 ) of you who read an old blog of mine may recall my old buddy, Michael Phelps aka "Tigger". I was glad to hear today that so far some of his sponsors (speedo and Omega Watches) have stated publicly that they are not dropping him after photos of his monster bong hit heard round the world surfaced. (Who took and leaked these anyway?) I say cut the guy some slack. He set how many records? And he's in the off season. And it is technically a performance *diminshing* drug. And he looks like Tigger. A FOXSports.com poll found that 79 percent of readers chose "He's 23, can we all relax?"
Here is the photo if you haven't seen it. It's a pretty decent sized bong. But I'm guessing he's got some pretty decent sized lungs.

Is that an Omega watch he's wearing? I think they have their next ad campaign...

A Day Without H2O

2009-01-29T12:35:00.000-08:00

They are doing some repair work on our street today, so from 7AM until 5 PM, I will be water free. Ok, so I wasn't up at 7, but it's still a pretty rough thing to go through and has me thinking about all the stuff I had planned but cannot do today without this vital liquid. (And thinking of the people all over the world that have to deal with this all the time. It sucks big time.)

I started my day off forgetting that I could not
-Brush my teeth
-Wash my face
-Take a shower
-Shave my legs or pits
-Flush the toilet (note to self- Starbuck's visit may be in order)
-Make tea
-Drink water
-wash my hands after applying healthy glow lotion (translation- potentially orange palms)

So basically, without water, I am dirty and thirsty.
And kicking myself for not filling up the Brita and taking a shower last night.
It also has me thinking of other things I cannot do today, if I felt so inclined.
Like wash the car, water the plants, change the bong water, make mac-n-cheese, do the dishes or laundry, or make jello. And if I went for my afternoon run, I'd have to sit around with an even stinkier version of myself for a few hours, so I think I'll have to put that off for a bit.

Looks like I'll have to go sit on my deck with a book and a nice glass of wine, and wait for 5 o'clock to arrive. I am tempted to bathe in the cold ocean, but am now wondering if there is a well in Del Mar.

Fun 911 Calls

2009-01-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's the lack of water but I'm in a giddy mood today and am laughing at 911 phone calls. They're all under a minute.
File under: What a Moron.
Heard this a year or so ago, but heard it again today, and it is just cracking me up.

This guy rocks

From Family Guy

I'm off to put out some snacks or something...

I Love Jesus, But I Drink A Little...and Wig Party 2009

2009-01-21T23:01:00.000-08:00

Around 2 pm today the sun made a wise choice and decided to come out. The "marine layer" (aka fog) cleared, and it surprisingly turned out to be an insanely nice day again... So a friend and I decided to scrap our movie plans and headed to a beachfront happy hour somewhat prematurely at 3pm today, so i think this first clip is somewhat appropriate. And the second one I can watch over and over and still fall off the couch laughing. Especially the part after Steve lands and is gasping for air, uttering certain expletives and kicking the ground.
Buon Mercoledi!

I Love Jesus , But I Drink A Little

Steve eating shit
Me eating shit

Oh, and apparently, we're local celebs from our wig party last weekend... the fallone siblings even made the home page... http://www.seensd.com/

Goodnight, Sun...Again

2009-01-20T02:45:00.001-08:00

Another January day in SD, another ridiculously beautiful sunset that deserved a standing ovation. To add onto yesterday's post, these are from my balcony from tonight...

I really love California.

Goodnight, Sun

2009-01-19T15:07:00.001-08:00

There was an insanely beautiful sunset yesterday, so I thought I'd share some photos for those of you stuck in cold weather.

Is that a grenade in your pocket...?

2009-01-16T12:14:00.000-08:00

Philip? Is that you?
He just doesn't look like a Phil to me...

Yesterday in the news, I saw my future boyfriend Johnny Knoxville was in some trouble with the law. Something about trying to bring a (non-working) grenade on an airplane at LAX. As I read on, I learned that his real name is Philip John Clapp. I figured Knoxville wasn't real, but had read he was John something. He just doesn't look like a Phil to me. Phil Knoxville doesn't really work either. Do these people name themselves or does some agency do it? I found myself online looking at celebrity real name sites (I know, I have too much free time these days) and some of them surprised me.

Did you know that Maya Angleou was born Marguerite Johnson?
Tori Amos' real name is Myra Ellen Amos.
Judy Garland = Frances Gumm.
Whoopi Goldberg = Caryn Johnson.
Robert Palmer = Alan Batley.
Joan Crawford = Lucille LeSueur
John Denver= Henry John Deutschendorf
Kirstie Alley= Gladys Lehman

Some people just change or drop their last names...
Billy Idol is really William Broad
David Copperfield is really David Kotkin
Meg Ryan = Margaret Hyra
Demi Moore= Demi Gynes
Natalie Portman = Natalie Hershlag
Stevie Wonder = Steveland Judkins
Winona Ryder = Winona Laura Horowitz

A few quizzes for you...no google cheating...
Name these celebrities...
1) A rocker born William Bailey
2) tan big guy Terry Bollea
3) Sexy crooner born Noah Kaminsky
4) everyone's favorite, Bernice Frankel
5) funny man Jacob Cohen
6) wig afficionado Reginald Kenneth Dwight

Oh and btw- I heard from a trusted source that Johnny/ Phil does not look so dazzling in person. I was crushed. Anyone seen him lately?

Looks like I May Be Heading Off Again...

2009-01-13T11:44:00.000-08:00

Just when I was considering adding "think about settling down for a bit" to my to do list, it looks like I may be relocating.
I have an important job application to fill out this week
Tell me this "job" description was not tailor made for yours truly..

Australia offers up 'best job': lounge in paradise

SYDNEY, Australia– Position: Island caretaker. Duties: Lazing around Australia's Great Barrier Reef for six months. Salary: 150,000 Australian dollars ($100,000).

Unemployed, take heart — the aforementioned job ad is for real. Billing it the "Best Job in the World," the tourism department in Australia's Queensland state on Tuesday said it was seeking one lucky person to spend half a year relaxing on Hamilton Island, part of the country's Whitsunday Islands, while promoting the island on a blog.

The move is part of a AU$1.7 million campaign to boost tourism in the state. In exchange for the plush salary, free accommodation in an oceanfront villa and airfare from the winner's home country, the "employee" will be required to stroll the island's white sand beaches, snorkel, maybe take a dip in the pool — and post photos and videos of his or her experiences on a weekly blog.

"It'll be huge," Tourism Whitsundays chief executive Peter O'Reilly said, adding he expected thousands will apply.

Applications are open until Feb. 22 and 11 finalists will be flown to Hamilton Island in May for the final selection process. The job begins on July 1.

http://www.islandreefjob.com

-----------------------------------------------------

Hopefully, I'll be back in scuba gear, holding the hand of a handsome dive instructor, in no time.

Better dust off my Australian dictionary and start practicing...

Helmut's Chalet

2009-01-12T14:28:00.000-08:00

A group of us went skiing in Vail for New Years' and had a fabulous time, thanks in part to some of the fun decorative things we found scattered throughout the Bavarian-ly decorated rental house. If you're looking for a place in Vail, and have an extra 2.5 million to throw around...good news, it's on the market. It was hardly a trailer, however, we were very disappointed to find that there were no pens, oven mitts, spoon rests, stainless steel appliances, working ice makers, drink holders on the balconies, or outdoor heat lamps. So buyer beware. Guess you have to step it up to 2.6 for those goodies.

The other great thing I re-learned about the mountains, is that in addition to the cloudy tap water, earaches, bloody noses, excessive gas, and water taking too long to boil due to the altitude....when you get winded in under a minute on the ski slopes because you are completely out of shape, you can blame *that* on the altitude as well.

A few photos of the house oddities at the Cortina Chalet...

You had to lock the door from the inside with a key.

No key required for the door window, however...

look out for peeping Steves

The stuffed animal collection in one bedroom, and the morning after...

Just the statue I've always wanted for my entry foyer!
A cute boy. With a dead hare between his legs.

And some of the fine art adorning the walls.
Who doesn't love fallen trees? And shipwrecks?

Bedside statues...

The kitchen had ceramic pigs, and ceramic lemons.

And who doesn't need an outlet on the ceiling? or wooden shoes filled with fake flowers?

We found a photo of the house owner, Helmut, and his Austrian Party Posse, and left it on the table to pay homage to our fabulous host throughout the week. (The house came fully stocked, and with no rules list)
But hands down, our favorite find was the ass photo...

Oh, and we had *nothing* to do with that guy falling out of his chair and losing his pants. Pinky swear.
Happy 2009!

Introducing The Daily One Minute Dance Party! Today's Guests: Timbaland and Keri Hilson

2009-01-08T15:04:00.001-08:00

Back in Brooklyn, my dear friend Amy & I, as freelancers, often found ourselves in my apartment watching random shows at odd times of the day. On one such day, we were inspired by Ellen, and started to spontaneously break into one minute dance parties. It's only a minute, but it gets the old heart rate up for a bit, and it's better than nothing when you're couched. So during your next commercial break, click on the following clips and get your ass up off the couch with these 2 dudes.

"The Way I Are" - Timbaland featuring Keri Hilson and D.O.E.

and the jabbawockeez version

The Longest 7 Minutes of Your Life, Vail Style

2009-01-07T14:52:00.001-08:00

Am glad we escaped Vail without any incidents like this one. Although I bet this poor guy gets a free lifetime lift ticket out of it. And maybe some therapy sessions to deal with the impending chairlift issues he's bound to have.

Chairlift Mishap Strips US Skier

A skier was left dangling from a chairlift at an American resort after he became stuck upside-down with his ski trousers round his ankles.

Photos show the man naked from his waist to his knees, swinging from one leg, and still wearing both skis.

He became entangled shortly after boarding the Skyline Express lift.

The lift was stopped and reversed about 12ft (3.6m) before he was freed by the Vail Ski Patrol, Vail Resort said in a statement about the 1 January incident.

The resort operator said the 48-year-old man was suspended for about seven minutes, but was uninjured.

And another report:

If you think people laugh at your skiing skills then think again. A man was a put into a precarious and undoubtedly embarrassing position while skiing with his child at Vail mountain last Friday.

According to reports:

the chairlift's fold-down seat was not in the correct lowered-down position - causing the man to partially fall through the resulting gap as he attempted to board the lift.
He was prevented from plummeting to the ground below by his right ski, which became jammed in the ascending lift.

And what's up with blogger? am having serious font and photo issues...

You say White Elephant, I say Cutthroat Pollyanna.

2008-12-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

Sadly, I will be missing the annual festivities back east this year, and will not have the opportunity to outdo last year's contribution of the re-gifted ultra-lovely sheer accordion sleeved ruffled pirate's / poet's blouse. But on the bright side- Heather, you can continue to rock it for one more year. (I know, I'm too kind. ) And I won't be offended if you want to spread the fashion love and re-regift it.

Before I head west, I have a confession to make- I had to cheat on the group this year. I needed my holiday fix, and got to play a few weeks ago at Bryan & Carol's in SD. Cocky me I thought I had the Star Wars Monopoly game in the bag, and tried to hide it, but it was stolen from me at the last minute. Luckily, I came home not only with flashing holiday socks, but also some fabulous faux-flannel Homer Simpson Holiday boxers.

The bird in this photo was my favorite gift, which I would like to offer to the NJ-NYC-PA crowd as my long distance contribution for this year. I am sure this timeless classic would look beautiful in any room of your house.

Happy New Year! From Me & Petey the Parrot

How the hell did I miss this story??? A Horsey Tale

2008-12-26T20:32:00.000-08:00

"sometimes, you just want to feel a horses balls... and you know what? ...they're warm"

Holiday blog to follow, but in the meantime, a nasty little barnyard incident from the summer of 2005 that I somehow only heard about for the first time today. It's just so wrong.
Heads up- videos probably not office appropriate. But I guess that depends on where you work.

The news coverage...

Some interesting tidbits from the news articles about the incident in 2005
*Washington is one of 17 states that does not outlaw bestiality. (Note- it has since been banned)
*The Seattle man's relatives said yesterday they never suspected he was involved in bestiality. They said they were surprised when they learned he had purchased a Thoroughbred stallion earlier this year.
*It was only after Pinyan died, when law enforcement looked for one way to punish his associates, that the legality of bestiality in Washington State became an issue. The prosecutor's office wanted to charge Tait with animal abuse, but the police found no evidence of abused animals on the many videotapes they collected from his home. As there was no law against humanely fucking one horse, the prosecutors could only charge Tait with trespassing.

Has anyone seen this movie? It was at Sundance in 2007...

Full wikipedia story... click here

Favorite Australian Signs and Street Art - Sydney and Byron Bay

2008-12-12T15:24:00.000-08:00

So I have this thing with signs. Here are some of my favorites from my recent Australia trip.

I was a little timid opening the gate from my hotel. I pictured trains zooming up and down the beach. And were they going to come in the gate if I didn't close it? It was too much to process. I just wanted to get to the beach.

In reality, it was an abandoned sand filled railway track.

Trains sadly no longer go to Byron Bay. They turned the train station into a bar and tourist office.

these feet signs creeped me out. like little kafka-esque villain creatures that come out at night and chase you in the crosswalks...

Hey, you, stop! Where are you going? Who's going to drive the bus?

Don't Even Think of Stopping Here. It's the Mail Zone.

Not exactly where I wanted to be. But am curious how they settled on those particular dates...

They look like they are having a good, but slow time to me.

For the tourists...

I love Australia.
Don't US park signs say "Keep off the grass" ?...

They wouldn't have sprung for the sign if it hadn't happened before...

I think these people have been delicately frolicking across streets since the 1950's...

No Bombing caught my attention, But I like the Shallow Water Guy Best

And some interesting Street Art

My favorite...

And fun at the local t shirt store

That's all for now...will get to part II another day. There is a classic one from Cairns. Stay tuned.

How did I forget about Shawn's taco?! Favorite Clips I (a)

2008-12-10T01:06:00.000-08:00

When I did the clip post I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something.
And I sure was, boys and girls.
Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson's taco.
This is so wrong.

Karma's Court Apperance

2008-12-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

O.J. gets at least 9 years for armed hotel robbery

Amen.

Favorite Clips I

2008-12-04T16:27:00.001-08:00

Since I have plenty of free time today, I am trying to get my shit together. It's a lifelong process that I chip away at, one hour at a time. I decided it was about time to figure out how to embed videos into this little blog here. Always meant to get these in the same place so I could crack myself up whenever the urge struck.

File under: see you in hell and we'll have plenty of good laughs together

many of you may have seen the leaked britney dance rehearsal for "mannequin". but have you seen *this* leaked dance rehearsal? i think the set totally makes the performance have an authentic hollywood impact...

for KG and JB, a flashback from perugia
for the rest of you, an odd performance and song we kept hearing from someone (not sure if man or woman, jury still out) while in italy

i just love this kid. took a moment to figure out what he was saying, but i think he's just so damn adorable. and i love that this commercial actually ran.

i was going to save this for my sound factory flashback post, but it was in the grey area, so i'll put it here... Don't you just love a good dance off? Brings me back to Love is a Battlefield.
The pirouettes and leaping splits definitely impressed me, but the Run DMC & Jam Master Jay part moves really took it to another level. I tried it, but skidded my nose pretty good on the carpet. Am going to leave those moves to the pros. (give it some time, it picks up about minute 1, then goes into full dance off mode at minute 2)

and in closing, a tribute to my old hometown... and the reason i was always late(r) for work when I worked in midtown...have any of you seen lorenzo la roc the electric violin guy perform? he always made me stop in my tracks. i searched for a good live performance video clip, and unfortunately this one cuts out, but you get the jist.
the whole song is here if you're interested..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s21_SmWGUFY

i'll have to save the leprechaun in mobile for st patrick's day...Who all seen the leprechaun say yeah!

Mental Jukebox...or should i say Jootbox?

2008-12-04T14:54:00.000-08:00

From time to time we all get tormented with songs stuck in our head. I have decided to pass on this annoyance and attempt to get them stuck in your head as well.

The song of this week is Vitamin String Quartet's cover of "Misery Business" by paramore.
When i one day make a movie, this will no doubt be in it. Maybe it will be the only music, I like it that much. Maybe even a silent film. With a passionately tormenting story....

When I went to look for the orchestral video, I found an acoustic version as well. And now that is stuck in my head too. (Sorry about the tool in the beginning... it was the best quality version I could find)

and for all you guitar hero fans, here is the original... i am practicing my air guitar for our next rendezvous.

Cal Worthington, My New Hero

2008-12-04T01:48:00.000-08:00

So I've been seeing this commercial for Cal Worthington's Used Car Lot in Carlsbad for about a year now, but I think tonight was the first time I really *listened* to it, and to Cal, a nice grandpa-like figure in a bad blue grey western style suit and a cowboy hat. It was the last line of the commercial that stuck in my head for a few minutes before I realized it was a bit odd...
"Come down and see us at Dodge Headquarters, Worthington Dodge, in the car country mall in Carlsbad, we're open 'til midnight."
Midnight?
Who the hell buys a car at midnight?

Now I've done plenty of odd things in the wee hours. But I've been known to do some routine stuff as well...including laundry, jogging, drunk dialing, grocery shopping, various home improvement projects, accidentally locking myself out in clients' hallways, and getting my car washed. But car shopping at 10 or 11 pm has honestly never crossed my mind.

Then I started thinking about what kind of crowd they get in there at night, and now I am so curious, I think I'm going to have to go there and check it out. Maybe bring those poor salesguys some cookies or a pizza, because they've got to be bored out of their minds by that point in their shift. And the chance to meet a local legend like Cal...definitely worth the short drive.

Kudos to Cal for doing his part to make San Diego a late night city! Since moving out west, I've had a hard time finding a grocery store open past 10, but at least now I know I can go car shopping instead.

Underwater Dive Photographer Career Hopes Dashed

2008-12-02T22:25:00.000-08:00

So my dream of a stint as a glamorous tropical scuba photographer came to an abrupt screeching halt this afternoon.
I got my underwater camera photos back.
"Disappointing" would be putting it very mildly.
"Possibly taken by a blind 4 year old" might be a more accurate description.
Aside from 1 or 2 pretty coral shots, I got zilch. Lots of fish profiles swimming away from me in cloudy dark water. (It was CLEAR and BLUE in real life! I don't get it!) And a lot of blur.

Now a true carpenter never blames her tools, but I did use 200 film in a reusable underwater plastic underwater camera. It's a small step up from the garden variety beach disposables, but obviously, she's no fancy pants flash ready digital. (Maybe I can borrow some of JB's old flash cubes and attach them on top...) In a bold move in these rough economic times, I decided to upgrade to 400 film for the next attempt. And I did see them renting digitals on some boats, so maybe I can try those options before turning my back on a lifelong dream. (OK, month long ) Although I have to admit, I am so shaken and crushed, I am tempted to hang up my underwater camera today to avoid future potential letdowns. But what is life without risk? So I will march on...

In my defense, I was so happy to have reached the all important diving milestone of
" I'm not thinking about dying / breathing every 20 seconds", that I decided to venture down with a camera on my 5th dive, perhaps prematurely. I quickly snapped away like a giddy child with a new toy, and think I took all 27 photos in the first 4 minutes. Also, as a novice fish paparazzo, I have yet to develop any successful "point and shoot" method. I just held the camera out in front of me towards the fish, hoped they were somewhere in the frame, and clicked. Which, as demonstrated by the lack of cool fish in my photos, will not be my method on my next dive. Any tips on form and style are much appreciated.

This is my one cool fish photo. ( I auto corrected it online and it warped into funky colors that I happened to dig. Now that I am thinking about this, maybe I do still have future hopes, but as an artsier dive photographer. I can just warp the blurry photos i take into something slightly abstract....)

I thought I was an ass for splurging on some of the overpriced professional photos on the boats, but after seeing my pathetic attempts in living color (ok, murky grey) today, they turned out to be wise purchases indeed.

Guess I'll have to re-think that "Underwater Photos by Yours Truly" 2009 Calendar I was going to make for everyone as a holiday gift.

my one nice brain coral shot

Can You Guess Which Are Mine?! And which were taken by the pros?

The one good thing that did come out of making the trip to the photo store... I brought them a "mystery camera" that I found in my drawer. Turns out I had some undeveloped film from Railay Bay in Thailand from last March...

Australia trip- New Things I Liked, and Thank Yous

2008-11-25T17:35:00.000-08:00

To say it was a great almost month in Australia would be quite an understatement. Not sure where to start so I figured I'd post a list of some of my favorite things that I discovered about the country and then come back and do some destination highlights when I have some more time.

The route, in a nutshell..I started in Sydney, caught up with old friends, headed to Byron Bay for a few days to relax, then flew up to Airlie Beach and the Whitsundays for a week, where I got hooked on diving and made it out to the Great Barrier Reef. Then I flew down to Melbourne to visit Nathan and see the Melbourne Cup (like their Kentucky Derby), and we went over to the Barossa Valley and drank some fabulous wines, then headed back to Melbourne for more races (I noticed that aussies *really* like their gambling...) Then the whole Uluru (Ayers Rock) flight thing didn't work out, so I decided to head up to Cairns for some more diving at the reef, and then back down to Sydney for a final late night. Whew.
I loved every place I visited, and think I could live happily in most of them. So a return trip is already being planned in my head. Have to hit more of the West Coast next time as well. But I think could be a dive photographer on one of those reef boats for a more than a few years before I got bored.

THINGS I LIKED ABOUT AUSTRALIA
(aside from the gorgeous beaches and friendly happy people)

AIRPORTS
-Nobody asked for my ID ONCE on a single flight. Not when you check in. Not at the security line. Not at the gate. You can even walk your friends to the gate to say goodbye without a boarding pass. ( I did get random bomb scan tested twice in nine flights. That seemed on the high side of random to me. But they were quick and friendly, and *they* didn't care about my ID, either. )

-No security line took longer than 5 minutes. They don't make you take your shoes off. And they couldn't give 2 shits about the whole silly liquid restriction thing. Bottles of wine and olive oil?...Bring em on!

- Suitcase over the weight limit? No worries! I wasn't charged for excess baggage on a single flight.
And I am fairly confident that my checked bag didn't make the weight limit on a *single* flight.

- Melbourne Airport had free wine tasting. Enough said.

- They actually discovered this really smart and efficient process where you load the plane from both the front *and* the rear doors. And it only takes about 5 minutes to get everyone on and seated. Ingenious, right? Why can we not do this in the US???
(Probably some crappy excuse involving security and/or budget issues...)

- For some reason, I always get very excited when you get to board the plane by climbing the stairs from outside. I think maybe it makes me feel like I am in the Caribbean. Or possibly like an old classic movie star. Or perhaps an old movie star in the Caribbean.
(Guessing the US has some potential security issues with this at major airports, as I am always tempted to make a run for it and see how long it takes for someone to tackle or shoot me as I dash and roll around on the tarmac, Mission impossible theme song beating in my head...but they let you do it in Australia.)

GADGETS
- They have dual flush toilets! So you don't have to waste too much water for a little #1.

- Boat toilets / signs- it was drilled into our heads by numerous dive boat crews that boat plumbing is smaller and a bit more particular than real house plumbing. My favorite sign read "Do not put anything in the toilet unless you have eaten it first, except toilet paper."

- Electricity Outlets with individual on/off switches for each plug, so you needn't lose sleep over "phantom energy loss" any longer. And you don't have to always unplug all your crap, even if it's near the sink.

-Eucalyptus scented tissues

CULTURE and FOOD
-The whole country shuts down mid-week for the Melbourne Races

- Everyone gets dressed up to go to the races. Instead of cumbersome, hot hats they have these cute little headband things called fascinators. Definitely have to get them to SD for the races next year. Much more comfortable. And more importantly, no unsightly hat head after a day at the races.

Fascinator

Fascinator model, with winning trifecta ticket

- At the races, you can make your bets with the normal track people, or at bookie stands. They have real bookies! I didn't see any knee breaking going on, but for PR's sake, I would think they probably do that on a day other than race day. Quite probably at another location.

- Random people at the airport will give you a free lift back to your hotel, and there's nothing sketchy about it.

- They call Mc Donald's "Mackers." Even in their own tv ads. And the food actually looks decent.

- Burger King's is parading around Australia incognito as "Hungry Jack's." Must have been some strange marketing decision. Anyone know the story here?

- Voting is mandatory

-If there's no massive downpour or snowstorm expected, TV Newscasters simply report the weather as "Fine".

- Dive boat boys.
I am not sure where they breed them, but I'd definitely like to visit, and stay. I did notice a strong kiwi presence, so I will definitely be visiting NZ on my next trip back to those parts.
It really makes your first few dives a lot easier when you have a hand to hold. And even (more) easier when that hand is attached to a delicious looking young man who actually knows what he is doing.

Another fine Aussie marketing campaign...

Well since you put it that way...

-Potato chips are actually decent and not super greasy, and come in fun flavors like Moroccan Lemon Chicken, Honey Soy Chicken (tasted like teriyaki wings) Sour Cream and Chili (personal favorite) and Lime Black Pepper.

- Like in Italy, Arugula is called Rocket. (there is some mis-translation story here that I forget...)
As a huge "Rocket" fan, I was excited to see it on most menus in Australia, and got to eat it several times a week. Usually with pears, parmesan, and balsamic. I still get a kick out of ordering one for some reason, and it always makes me start singing the Elton John song. But I have sadly given up hopes of actually getting one with some sort of little rocket, plastic or food, on top of it. C'mon restaurant guys, step it up and have a sense of humor.

- None of the Cellar Doors (aka Tasting Rooms) in the Barossa Valley wineries charged a tasting fee.

- There are fields of wallabies grazing near Cairns. There are also cockatoos and crazy parrots flying around everywhere. Was nice to see them fly free. But the novelty did wear off a bit...they are very loud. And up very early. And the bats were just plain creepy.

In closing, I would like to thank
- the good folks at lastminute.com.au for consistently finding me 5 star hotel rooms at 2 star rates
- the shangri la hotel chain, who correctly realize that a) check out time should be at least noon, not this 10 or 11 am nonsense and b) room service should be, and is, available 24 hours.
- the mothers and fathers of australia and new zealand, for putting their handsome fun sons in my path. and the dive boat managers who had the foresight to hire them and put them in wetsuits and let them hold my hand if i claimed to feel a little nervous.

- the US dollar for holding strong during my trip (the aussie dollar tanked from about a 1:1 ratio this summer to about 60-65 cents for an aussie dollar in october)
- the major australian airlines for their super cheap flights, and for letting my excess baggage slide without fees. And the airports and security staff that let me waltz through the screening process, wearing shoes, carrying liquids and no ID.
- united airlines, for that extra 5 inches of legroom. and the pilots along the way for all the smooth landings.
- the wineries of the barossa valley for maintaining my BAC where it should be while on holiday (HBAC)

-the people at The Alcolizer for making their fun bar toy machine to confirm appropriate holiday BAC (HBAC)

-the great barrier reef for being so damn amazing
- jacques cousteau for his vision, and for the whole SCUBA thing

- the dive instructors who made sure I didn't die (zeke, harry, janeen, tash, and marcus- i am eternally grateful)

- friends old and new who helped make this a great trip, especially at times when i wished some of the girls were with me.
and who promptly put me in a cab when i needed to get home.
- my iphone- which functioned as everything from my camera, to my navigator, to the beach dj, to my overeager office assistant who accidentally sent out 10 copies of each email for several weeks. ok maybe not for that, but at&t promised we can work some type of credit out...and thanks to those who beared with the duplicate email situation.
i tried to go low tech this trip...left my laptop, and rarely blowdried, but i don't know what i would've done without my little iphone. almost a year, haven't broken or lost him yet.
...and most importantly, for the i phone's ability to set multiple alarms.
Anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that me & 630 AM don't often go together, unless i happen to be up from the night before.
Most of my dive boats left around 730-8am. And i have been known to sleep right through wake up calls. But, set four diferent alarms five minutes apart and i think we're on to something.
Call the guinness book people and send them over to SD...i think i was up before 730am over 15 times in the past month. However, as a side effect, I've developed this annoying habit of waking up around 8 am in a panic that I'm late for something. It really needs to stop.

-the rainbow gods for putting a rainbow over sydney harbor at a time when i was actually in my room to see it from above
- the waitress in my cairns hotel bar who told me about the redken fresh curls line (shameless product pitch of the week # 1 here) ...good stuff!
- the kind folks at at&t who notified me that if i didn't upgrade my international plan, i'd have a $650 phone bill waiting for me back home. and for retroactively upgrading it for me, avoiding the stress of one angry phone call.
- samsonite, for making such sturdy luggage, and adding that extra zipper to make them expand those essential 2 inches on the way home
- the non detail oriented people at the san fran rental car company for not noticing the flashing light on the dashboard or minor tire damage that i really honestly didn't do, the one time i actually waived the insurance on a rental car. you gotta live on the edge sometimes.

smoke 4 a joke

2008-10-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Why is the morning after contraception pill called Plan B?

Because Plan A of cumming on her face didn't go so well.

As a side note, Don't you hate when they spell it "cum"? It really bothers me, and I cringe a little more than when I see "E-Z" Pass, or "Xmas".
Our email filters at an old job used to pick it up, and it made all the accountants pissy when their boring documents were delayed in the porn filter. They used to abbreviate "cumulative" as "cum." It took me a while to get used to, and to suppress the spontaneous chuckle while reviewing reports.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

2008-10-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

When did we swap "Jet Plane" for "Airplane"? I think Jet Plane has a much more adventurous ring to it, but I digress.
It's official! I booked a ticket to Australia and am leaving on Monday. Will be back in SD by Thanksgiving. Thanks so much to all of you who emailed me your travel tips, it's not too late to send more if you think of anything. I revised my itinerary below, and think I am now going to go to Barossa Valley and drink some wine, instead of Margaret River.

Oh, and btw- you *do* need a visa! Only took about 10 minutes online.
Potential Inconvenience #1 averted. whew.

The only sad news about this whole thing is that I have to give up my Madonna ticket. I am super bummed and will have to try & catch her in action somewhere else. Before she runs off with A-Rod.

Have you been to Australia? HELP!!!

2008-09-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

So I am feeling a bit antsy and think I am going to go to Australia next month. It's about time. Tentatively planning Oct 20-Nov 16 or so, and then another wine school class in Napa when I return.
I've emailed my Aussie friends but want as much advice as I can get to help form my ideal rough outline of an itinerary. I'd like to wing most of it, but think I may have to book a few flights ahead. So please leave some comments about your favorite don't miss locations. And let me know what to skip.

Am thinking :
Week 1- Sydney (mon oct 20-sun 26 or so)
Week 2 - up north, great barrier reef, cairns, maybe whitsundays?? somewhere else?
(sun oct 26-sun nov 2)
Week 3- melbourne, i was informed that the melbourne cup is the 4th and i shouldn't miss it. i don't know what it is, but have learned to trust woz. i'm guessing it will likely involve beer, men, and some rugged sweaty sport. (mon nov 3-sat nov 8)
Week 4- see ayers rock (2-3 days??), head over to perth / margaret river area and drink wine for a few days (sat nov 8-fri nov 14)
Then back to sydney for the final weekend and leave on sunday the 16th

how does that sound? do i need more or less time in places? what did i miss?
and, since i'm so damn close, do i have time to see new zealand too? if it is not to be missed, i'll look for flights a few days earlier...

thanks, guys! i'm so jealous that so many of you have been there already and figured i should stop hating and just get on the plane.

And thank god for google...it just occurred to me that i might need a visa.

Girls' Night, with Teens and Cougars...SYTYCD Live Show in San Diego 2008

2008-09-29T02:17:00.000-07:00

So I did one of the dorkier things I've done in awhile, and went with some girlfriends to see the So You Think You Can Dance live show last night. I thought it would be all kids and teenagers, and the parents who took them there, but it was a very mixed crowd and we actually weren't the only ones of driving age who attended. And also surprisingly, it wasn't a dry event. We didn't realize this until after halftime, but good to know for the future. The top 10 and a few extras from the show danced as (too short) solos, pairs, and in a few group numbers...seems they picked the season's highlights and just fine tuned them. The show was more entertaining than I expected, but also too long. And nobody fell or messed up badly, so that was kind of a bummer.

If you are planning to see it when it comes to your city, here are some of our post show thoughts...

Pros-
*Dancers have been practicing and are in better shape & dance better than on the show
*The guys with the really hot bodies had their shirts off for most of the night. Thank you costume team.
*It's not a dry event
*Songs were mostly pretty good- mix of mellow, hip hop, and a few showtunes
* I was reminded that I needed to add Twitch to my Tigger list (see first blog post). I *knew* I had forgotten someone...

Cons-
*Crappy sound system with too loud music (it was a slightly low budget run down venue, so not the show's fault, i guess)
*Dumb mini-skits they had the dancers doing in between dances. The kids seemed to enjoy them. We say stick to dancing.
*Not enough (any?) new performance material, with the exception of the solos
*Too much product placement and show promotion / constant highlight recaps...and I think we could have lived without the dancing Snuggle bear at halftime...
* Speaking of, it didn't need an intermission, but i guess people spend money then, so they had one, which killed the momentum of the show and made it too long
*Area restaurants packed pre-show- so if you're going to Sports Arena in SD, don't plan on a quick bite a Chili's or the oh so trendy Olive Garden. Don't even plan on being able to get through the front door. There's a nice empty thai place just up the road on the right....
*Not the best type of show when seated a bit far away / up higher. Try to sit on the sides, floor level, close to the stage so you can see their faces (ok, glistening sweaty rock hard bodies) better.

I also discovered a few mellow pretty songs that I like...
Hallelujah and also Misery Business- Vitamin String Quartet
Hometown Glory - Adele
Rock Your Soul- Elisa
The Garden- Mirah (a bit creepy)
And they did a cool Bollywoodish thing that I think was Shankar Mahadevan...a song called JBJ. (No mich, not him)

But hands down, the highlight of the evening was the latest in cougar fashion, being sported by our (50 something) neighbor in the photo above. That we had to stare at for the entire show.

Work it , Bruno!

2008-09-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing whatever Sascha Baron Cohen manages to pull off in his upcoming Bruno movie. I will miss Borat, but if today's events are any sign of things to come, this next one could be just as entertaining....

Borat actor crashes Agatha's party at fashion show

1 hour, 29 minutes ago

MILAN (Reuters) - Actor Sacha Baron Cohen, best known for his eccentric character Borat, burst onto the catwalk at Agatha Ruiz de la Prada's show in Milan on Friday, bringing the playful show to a halt as security guards stepped in.

Baron Cohen is in Milan making a new film about fashion centered on his character Bruno, a flamboyant Austrian fashionista.

He bowled onto the start of the catwalk rolled up in what turned out to be a long, black caped outfit with eccentric accessories.

After a few minutes of darkness while Baron Cohen, or Bruno, was escorted off the catwalk, the show started again. Models had kept their cool but the designer was visibly upset when she appeared at the end of the show.

Baron Cohen's film is titled "Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Male."

Agatha Ruiz de la Prada's show restarted after the actor left.

Smoke 4 a Joke

2008-09-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

What did the redneck say before he broke his back?

Here, hold my beer, watch this....

Thanks, Dom!

Chick at her first Chargers Game

2008-09-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

Last night, I decided to check out my new football team, the san diego (super) chargers, and headed down to Qualcomm stadium, along with 74,000 other people. Unfortunately, my new stadium has only 10,000 or so parking spots, and crappy public transport, so to say that getting in and out was a complete clusterfuck is a bit of an understatement.
But we persevered, made a few questionable u turns, and last minute merges, and found a nice little neighborhood about a mile away from the stadium, with a guy just leaving his spot. (thank you again, parking karma.) It was an easy stroll downhill to the game, and we chatted with a nice gentleman out on probation and his lovely girlfriend, but this left us with a nice refreshing uphill walk (steep climb) after the game. I am happy to report that we survived. And didn’t have to pay for parking, and actually ended up being closer to the freeway than those stuck in hopeless gridlock in the "premium" lots after the game. so i'm not bitching.
But next time, I will be taking the trolley, and leaving plenty of time for tailgating.

It was a total mob scene at the gates, but while waiting, we got to see those super loud supersonic looking air force fighter jets cruise over the parking lot and then the stadium, and I got excited like a 5 year old. I think I even clapped and said "yay" as i jumped up and down. And then karma showed up again, and let all the chicks go to the shorter frisk-you-and-pretend-to-check-your-purse line.

We made it to our seats just in time for kickoff. They happened to be playing the NY Jets, one of my old favorite teams. My loyalties were torn throughout the whole game and I found myself secretly cheering for both teams, and when my neighbors questioned me, i stuck with the political answer of "I just want to see a good game where both teams play well, and the quarterbacks get sacked a lot." And we got just that. A whole bunch of touchdowns, interceptions, long runs, and my favorite part, the post sack and post touchdown dances. we have some promising dancers in sd and I look forward to their upcoming performances.
But honestly, other than LT, I don’t think I can name 5 players yet. I learned that our QB is Philip Rivers and we have 2 guys named antonio (LT= LaDanian Tomlinson…that was an easy one, half the stadium was wearing his jersey, and he's the only one ever on the news. Lawrence Taylor LT, as it turns out, has *not* made a comeback in San Diego)
I bought a program on the way out, and will have to study it before my next game to avoid embarrassment as I try to sound like I have a clue while tailgating with potential suitors.

but cut me some slack, this was my first trip to the stadium , and anyone who has attended sporting events with me knows, it's really all about locating the best nearby food stands with the shortest lines. so I did a recon half lap and missed a good part of the 3rd qtr while searching for pizza. but I found it, and the good news is that it was well worth the walk, and was probably the best $6 slice I've had in awhile. ( Though tempted, I decided not to spring for the $40 pie.) Unlike our baseball stadium, the football one is not so new. Very giants stadium like, big and made of concrete, and nothing fancy as far as concessions go. I did find a grill that made some tasty looking sandwiches, but the cheese fry hunt was a complete failure. beer still costs $8-9 so it's not just a ny thing, and the pretzels were warmish but not stale or hard.

back at our seats, they had concession guys walking around selling snacks, but I noticed the absence of the 'beer here" guys yelling at the crowd. i will have to investigate this further. but the other good news- you don’t have to leave your seat to get your churros fix taken care of. I was so full by the time I saw them and the last one I ate years ago was like a dripping grease stick, so my stomach went into minor spasms as the guy approached my section. but I have to expand my horizons and will give them a try next time. Can you dip them in anything? Like cheese? Or fudge? Or a handful of paper towels?

I was also happy to find that the chargers crowd is a lot louder and more into their team than the fan-like people who attend padres games. petco park sounded like the library compared to the echoing roar of the stadium last night. It was the only time since I've moved out here that it actually felt like ny energy for a bit. the chargers won, 40 something to 20 something. You can check espn if you want the real game stats. It was cool to see Brett Favre playing in Jets uniform, and hope he stays awhile before retiring again.

I have to say, my favorite part of the whole night…after the chargers get a touchdown…fireworks!!! They scared me at first,when they shot out of the endzone score board near us, I almost hit the deck to avoid the gunfire, but by the 3rd time, I was ready for them! I had no idea i'd see fireworks when i got up this morning...I thought I'd have to wait until next 4th of july. life is great sometimes...I will definitely be returning again this season. By trolley.

(photo way up top is an actual TD in progress, with the guy in the bottom right just crossing the goal line....above is steve with his my name is earl facial hair. and the bottom one is a random couple that was taking awhile, so i just included them, and their attempted self portrait.)

The Prime Time Emmys

2008-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

I caught the second half of the Prime Time Emmy Awards show on tv last night, and for someone who I thought watches a reasonable amount of tv, I obviously am not watching enough. When are all these shows on? What are Mad Men and Breaking Bad? (Please fill me in if you like & watch them...don't want to let another Arrested Development slip by...) And when do they air all these Mini-Series? (serieses? )

As I watched, 2 things kept bugging me about the show:
To the folks who make this show: please book another 1/2 hour or so of air time next year...you have some pull with the network people, no? I was trying to relax on the sofa and the whole show felt hectic and rushed, like it was trying to break some olympic speed record. All night, the hosts, presenters, and winners were racing at this frantic pace because the orchestra music was coming on and the commercials had to air on time. Even the little montages with the nominees felt like they were being played on fast forward. As for the winners...Give these people some space to speak and enjoy one of their 15 minutes. Some of them actually had some funny things to say. And we need a bit more time to really digest what they're wearing. My favorite line was from Sarah Palin look alike, and one of my favorites, Tina Fey. "I want to thank my parents for raising me with confidence disproportionate with my looks and abilities."

My other thought, which I will apply to all awards shows, is that the winner must be present to win. Ok, maybe you have to shoot a movie, or deliver a baby, so I'm willing to bend a little on this one. Winners can be not present if they do a *live* webcam acceptance speech. None of this pre-recorded bs. If you can't even show up, why should they have the courtesy to tell you that you won ahead of time? That's crap.
Can't be there or webcam in?....Sorry, bud, award goes to the second place person. Assuming they are present.

I did really enjoy the appropriately scripted over-drama of the reality show host award, presented by Jimmy Kimmel. (Nominees were Tom Bergeron, Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum, Ryan Seacrest and Jeff Probst )
Nice to see them experience what it is like to stand and wait for their own results through the agony of a commercial break. Heidi was my favorite, but when I think about it, the survivor guy's gig is a little bit rougher.

One final thought, I wish Betty White could be my adopted grandma, she is adorable. And I think her and Grandma Gloria would have a fabulous time together.

I also watched the last game at yankee stadium yesterday and cried several times. I am still collecting and processing my thoughts...will get to that this week sometime, but hope y'all saw it!

A Smoke for A Joke

2008-09-20T13:27:00.001-07:00

So this is an old one, but it was recently used for cigarette barter, and it makes me laugh. I prefer my jokes to be as un-pc and offensive as possible.

What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, I already told her twice.

Outgoing Mail

2008-09-19T20:54:00.000-07:00

Like most apartment complexes, mine has a little outdoor mail center downstairs with a box for each apartment. Every time I walk down to check the mail, I see the slot marked "Outgoing Mail" and I wan to run upstairs and print out a label to affix below it that says "Shy Mail". Or maybe "Introverted Mail."