Helmut's Chalet

A group of us went skiing in Vail for New Years' and had a fabulous time, thanks in part to some of the fun decorative things we found scattered throughout the Bavarian-ly decorated rental house. If you're looking for a place in Vail, and have an extra 2.5 million to throw around...good news, it's on the market. It was hardly a trailer, however, we were very disappointed to find that there were no pens, oven mitts, spoon rests, stainless steel appliances, working ice makers, drink holders on the balconies, or outdoor heat lamps. So buyer beware. Guess you have to step it up to 2.6 for those goodies.

The other great thing I re-learned about the mountains, is that in addition to the cloudy tap water, earaches, bloody noses, excessive gas, and water taking too long to boil due to the altitude....when you get winded in under a minute on the ski slopes because you are completely out of shape, you can blame *that* on the altitude as well.

A few photos of the house oddities at the Cortina Chalet...

You had to lock the door from the inside with a key.

No key required for the door window, however...

look out for peeping Steves

The stuffed animal collection in one bedroom, and the morning after...

Just the statue I've always wanted for my entry foyer!
A cute boy. With a dead hare between his legs.

And some of the fine art adorning the walls.
Who doesn't love fallen trees? And shipwrecks?

Bedside statues...

The kitchen had ceramic pigs, and ceramic lemons.

And who doesn't need an outlet on the ceiling? or wooden shoes filled with fake flowers?

We found a photo of the house owner, Helmut, and his Austrian Party Posse, and left it on the table to pay homage to our fabulous host throughout the week. (The house came fully stocked, and with no rules list)
But hands down, our favorite find was the ass photo...

Oh, and we had *nothing* to do with that guy falling out of his chair and losing his pants. Pinky swear.
Happy 2009!

Introducing The Daily One Minute Dance Party! Today's Guests: Timbaland and Keri Hilson

Back in Brooklyn, my dear friend Amy & I, as freelancers, often found ourselves in my apartment watching random shows at odd times of the day. On one such day, we were inspired by Ellen, and started to spontaneously break into one minute dance parties. It's only a minute, but it gets the old heart rate up for a bit, and it's better than nothing when you're couched. So during your next commercial break, click on the following clips and get your ass up off the couch with these 2 dudes.


"The Way I Are" - Timbaland featuring Keri Hilson and D.O.E.


and the jabbawockeez version

The Longest 7 Minutes of Your Life, Vail Style

Am glad we escaped Vail without any incidents like this one. Although I bet this poor guy gets a free lifetime lift ticket out of it. And maybe some therapy sessions to deal with the impending chairlift issues he's bound to have.

Chairlift Mishap Strips US Skier

A skier was left dangling from a chairlift at an American resort after he became stuck upside-down with his ski trousers round his ankles.

Photos show the man naked from his waist to his knees, swinging from one leg, and still wearing both skis.

He became entangled shortly after boarding the Skyline Express lift.

The lift was stopped and reversed about 12ft (3.6m) before he was freed by the Vail Ski Patrol, Vail Resort said in a statement about the 1 January incident.

The resort operator said the 48-year-old man was suspended for about seven minutes, but was uninjured.

And another report:

If you think people laugh at your skiing skills then think again. A man was a put into a precarious and undoubtedly embarrassing position while skiing with his child at Vail mountain last Friday.

According to reports:

the chairlift's fold-down seat was not in the correct lowered-down position - causing the man to partially fall through the resulting gap as he attempted to board the lift.

He was prevented from plummeting to the ground below by his right ski, which became jammed in the ascending lift.

And what's up with blogger? am having serious font and photo issues...

You say White Elephant, I say Cutthroat Pollyanna.

Sadly, I will be missing the annual festivities back east this year, and will not have the opportunity to outdo last year's contribution of the re-gifted ultra-lovely sheer accordion sleeved ruffled pirate's / poet's blouse. But on the bright side- Heather, you can continue to rock it for one more year. (I know, I'm too kind. ) And I won't be offended if you want to spread the fashion love and re-regift it.

Before I head west, I have a confession to make- I had to cheat on the group this year. I needed my holiday fix, and got to play a few weeks ago at Bryan & Carol's in SD. Cocky me I thought I had the Star Wars Monopoly game in the bag, and tried to hide it, but it was stolen from me at the last minute. Luckily, I came home not only with flashing holiday socks, but also some fabulous faux-flannel Homer Simpson Holiday boxers.

The bird in this photo was my favorite gift, which I would like to offer to the NJ-NYC-PA crowd as my long distance contribution for this year. I am sure this timeless classic would look beautiful in any room of your house.

Happy New Year! From Me & Petey the Parrot

How the hell did I miss this story??? A Horsey Tale

"sometimes, you just want to feel a horses balls... and you know what? ...they're warm"

Holiday blog to follow, but in the meantime, a nasty little barnyard incident from the summer of 2005 that I somehow only heard about for the first time today. It's just so wrong.
Heads up- videos probably not office appropriate. But I guess that depends on where you work.

The news coverage...

Some interesting tidbits from the news articles about the incident in 2005
*Washington is one of 17 states that does not outlaw bestiality. (Note- it has since been banned)
*The Seattle man's relatives said yesterday they never suspected he was involved in bestiality. They said they were surprised when they learned he had purchased a Thoroughbred stallion earlier this year.
*It was only after Pinyan died, when law enforcement looked for one way to punish his associates, that the legality of bestiality in Washington State became an issue. The prosecutor's office wanted to charge Tait with animal abuse, but the police found no evidence of abused animals on the many videotapes they collected from his home. As there was no law against humanely fucking one horse, the prosecutors could only charge Tait with trespassing.

Has anyone seen this movie? It was at Sundance in 2007...


Full wikipedia story... click here

Favorite Australian Signs and Street Art - Sydney and Byron Bay

So I have this thing with signs. Here are some of my favorites from my recent Australia trip.

I was a little timid opening the gate from my hotel. I pictured trains zooming up and down the beach. And were they going to come in the gate if I didn't close it? It was too much to process. I just wanted to get to the beach.

In reality, it was an abandoned sand filled railway track.

Trains sadly no longer go to Byron Bay. They turned the train station into a bar and tourist office.


these feet signs creeped me out. like little kafka-esque villain creatures that come out at night and chase you in the crosswalks...

Hey, you, stop! Where are you going? Who's going to drive the bus?

Don't Even Think of Stopping Here. It's the Mail Zone.

Not exactly where I wanted to be. But am curious how they settled on those particular dates...

They look like they are having a good, but slow time to me.

For the tourists...

I love Australia.
Don't US park signs say "Keep off the grass" ?...

They wouldn't have sprung for the sign if it hadn't happened before...

I think these people have been delicately frolicking across streets since the 1950's...

No Bombing caught my attention, But I like the Shallow Water Guy Best

And some interesting Street Art

My favorite...

And fun at the local t shirt store

That's all for now...will get to part II another day. There is a classic one from Cairns. Stay tuned.

How did I forget about Shawn's taco?! Favorite Clips I (a)

When I did the clip post I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something.
And I sure was, boys and girls.
Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson's taco.
This is so wrong.

Karma's Court Apperance

O.J. gets at least 9 years for armed hotel robbery

Amen.

Favorite Clips I

Since I have plenty of free time today, I am trying to get my shit together. It's a lifelong process that I chip away at, one hour at a time. I decided it was about time to figure out how to embed videos into this little blog here. Always meant to get these in the same place so I could crack myself up whenever the urge struck.

File under: see you in hell and we'll have plenty of good laughs together



many of you may have seen the leaked britney dance rehearsal for "mannequin". but have you seen *this* leaked dance rehearsal? i think the set totally makes the performance have an authentic hollywood impact...



for KG and JB, a flashback from perugia
for the rest of you, an odd performance and song we kept hearing from someone (not sure if man or woman, jury still out) while in italy



i just love this kid. took a moment to figure out what he was saying, but i think he's just so damn adorable. and i love that this commercial actually ran.



i was going to save this for my sound factory flashback post, but it was in the grey area, so i'll put it here... Don't you just love a good dance off? Brings me back to Love is a Battlefield.
The pirouettes and leaping splits definitely impressed me, but the Run DMC & Jam Master Jay part moves really took it to another level. I tried it, but skidded my nose pretty good on the carpet. Am going to leave those moves to the pros. (give it some time, it picks up about minute 1, then goes into full dance off mode at minute 2)



and in closing, a tribute to my old hometown... and the reason i was always late(r) for work when I worked in midtown...have any of you seen lorenzo la roc the electric violin guy perform? he always made me stop in my tracks. i searched for a good live performance video clip, and unfortunately this one cuts out, but you get the jist.
the whole song is here if you're interested..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s21_SmWGUFY



i'll have to save the leprechaun in mobile for st patrick's day...Who all seen the leprechaun say yeah!

Mental Jukebox...or should i say Jootbox?

From time to time we all get tormented with songs stuck in our head. I have decided to pass on this annoyance and attempt to get them stuck in your head as well.

The song of this week is Vitamin String Quartet's cover of "Misery Business" by paramore.
When i one day make a movie, this will no doubt be in it. Maybe it will be the only music, I like it that much. Maybe even a silent film. With a passionately tormenting story....




When I went to look for the orchestral video, I found an acoustic version as well. And now that is stuck in my head too. (Sorry about the tool in the beginning... it was the best quality version I could find)



and for all you guitar hero fans, here is the original... i am practicing my air guitar for our next rendezvous.

Cal Worthington, My New Hero

So I've been seeing this commercial for Cal Worthington's Used Car Lot in Carlsbad for about a year now, but I think tonight was the first time I really *listened* to it, and to Cal, a nice grandpa-like figure in a bad blue grey western style suit and a cowboy hat. It was the last line of the commercial that stuck in my head for a few minutes before I realized it was a bit odd...
"Come down and see us at Dodge Headquarters, Worthington Dodge, in the car country mall in Carlsbad, we're open 'til midnight."
Midnight?
Who the hell buys a car at midnight?

Now I've done plenty of odd things in the wee hours. But I've been known to do some routine stuff as well...including laundry, jogging, drunk dialing, grocery shopping, various home improvement projects, accidentally locking myself out in clients' hallways, and getting my car washed. But car shopping at 10 or 11 pm has honestly never crossed my mind.

Then I started thinking about what kind of crowd they get in there at night, and now I am so curious, I think I'm going to have to go there and check it out. Maybe bring those poor salesguys some cookies or a pizza, because they've got to be bored out of their minds by that point in their shift. And the chance to meet a local legend like Cal...definitely worth the short drive.

Kudos to Cal for doing his part to make San Diego a late night city! Since moving out west, I've had a hard time finding a grocery store open past 10, but at least now I know I can go car shopping instead.

Underwater Dive Photographer Career Hopes Dashed

So my dream of a stint as a glamorous tropical scuba photographer came to an abrupt screeching halt this afternoon.
I got my underwater camera photos back.
"Disappointing" would be putting it very mildly.
"Possibly taken by a blind 4 year old" might be a more accurate description.
Aside from 1 or 2 pretty coral shots, I got zilch. Lots of fish profiles swimming away from me in cloudy dark water. (It was CLEAR and BLUE in real life! I don't get it!) And a lot of blur.

Now a true carpenter never blames her tools, but I did use 200 film in a reusable underwater plastic underwater camera. It's a small step up from the garden variety beach disposables, but obviously, she's no fancy pants flash ready digital. (Maybe I can borrow some of JB's old flash cubes and attach them on top...) In a bold move in these rough economic times, I decided to upgrade to 400 film for the next attempt. And I did see them renting digitals on some boats, so maybe I can try those options before turning my back on a lifelong dream. (OK, month long ) Although I have to admit, I am so shaken and crushed, I am tempted to hang up my underwater camera today to avoid future potential letdowns. But what is life without risk? So I will march on...

In my defense, I was so happy to have reached the all important diving milestone of
" I'm not thinking about dying / breathing every 20 seconds", that I decided to venture down with a camera on my 5th dive, perhaps prematurely. I quickly snapped away like a giddy child with a new toy, and think I took all 27 photos in the first 4 minutes. Also, as a novice fish paparazzo, I have yet to develop any successful "point and shoot" method. I just held the camera out in front of me towards the fish, hoped they were somewhere in the frame, and clicked. Which, as demonstrated by the lack of cool fish in my photos, will not be my method on my next dive. Any tips on form and style are much appreciated.

This is my one cool fish photo. ( I auto corrected it online and it warped into funky colors that I happened to dig. Now that I am thinking about this, maybe I do still have future hopes, but as an artsier dive photographer. I can just warp the blurry photos i take into something slightly abstract....)

I thought I was an ass for splurging on some of the overpriced professional photos on the boats, but after seeing my pathetic attempts in living color (ok, murky grey) today, they turned out to be wise purchases indeed.

Guess I'll have to re-think that "Underwater Photos by Yours Truly" 2009 Calendar I was going to make for everyone as a holiday gift.


my one nice brain coral shot



Can You Guess Which Are Mine?! And which were taken by the pros?
















The one good thing that did come out of making the trip to the photo store... I brought them a "mystery camera" that I found in my drawer. Turns out I had some undeveloped film from Railay Bay in Thailand from last March...