The Dance of the Sunset Palms

Am hitting the home stretch with tax season, and needed a few relaxing minutes today, away from tax forms. While watching the sunset out the window, I thought the palm trees were dancing to the music we had playing. Check them out...



Happy April 15th! Go pay your taxes already.

Older, and slightly More Flammable: Thank You Therma-Care Heat Wraps

I like to read warning labels and fine print on boxes. The things they are required to print on them these days cracks me up. Like nut warnings on packages of nuts. Today I was reading the Therma Care Heat Wraps box. (Shameless product pitch - if you have not tried them for cramps and aches, you are missing out. They're like ski boot warmie packs but with velcro to wrap around you and make you feel soothing heated love)
On the back of the box it reads:
55 OR OLDER: YOUR RISK OF BURNING INCREASES AS YOU AGE. IF YOU ARE 55 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER, WEAR THERMACARE OVER A LAYER OF CLOTHING, NOT DIRECTLY AGAINST YOUR SKIN...

I was not at all aware of this. But apparently, we are all getting slightly more flammable with age.

Silk Tie Dyed Easter Eggs - Create Magic with Loud Tacky Patterns - Get in Touch with your Inner Martha Stewart this Easter Weekend

If you've never tried dyeing Easter eggs with men's neckties before, then get yourself down to the local thrift shop and recycle a few, or do some closet raiding. (Make sure they're real silk though. Polyester & cotton ones won't work. The tackier the pattern, the better....purples and pinks work great. Yellows, not so much)

I learned this from some woman on the martha stewart show a few years ago and have been doing them ever since. The tie patterns transfer to the eggs in trippy abstract patterns, and no two are ever identical. Don't expect perfection - sometimes you'll get whole chunks of the pattern, other times, just some warpy blurs. And you may want to open the kitchen window when you cook these babies up...the vinegar and dye stinks the place up a bit.

Here are some photos from this year's batch:

Instructions are here:
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/silk-tie-easter-eggs

Friday One Minute Dance Party with Pink and Bimbo Jones

It's Friday! It's gorgeous out! And I'm almost done with taxes! And exclamation points. In keeping with my Brooklyn / Amy / Ellen inspired tradition, it's time for the daily one minute dance party.

This Bimbo Jones remix of Pink's Sober makes me get up off my lazy tax returning ass. And it's also a great boxing workout song. So put up your dukes and celebrate Friday with Pink, Bimbo Jones, and a minute of dancing.

Interesting Tax Form Lines

Each time I prepare a new tax return, I come across new and interesting lines that have made their way onto our tax forms, usually via some new government program / rebate / assistance package. If you haven't read through a 1040, or other tax form...they can get quite technical, and require you to jump through mathematical loops as you go from line to line. The additions of these little lines just crack me up and make me have to go back and start my math over.

For example- Line 42 -
"If Line 38 is over $119,975 or you provided housing to a Midwest displaced individual, see instructions. Otherwise, multiply 3500 by the number of exemptions on Line 6d. "
I guess we should have all been housing midwesterners for tax breaks this past year. Who knew. But I bet i can find some nice deductions with those Meth Lab startup costs.

There is also an actual question that says...
"Was the business located in a Qualified Disaster Area? "
I am wondering where to get this qualification form, as my office might qualify on most days.

Some lines just make me say "Huh?"...Line 60 - K
"Additional tax on recapture of a charitable contribution deduction relating to the contribution of a fractional interest in tangible personal property."
All I get from this is that someone got in trouble for overstating some donation and now we have an extra line cluttering up our tax forms.

One thing that really annoyed me to learn...You know how they preach that student loan interest is tax deductible? Well, it is. Kind of. Until your salary hits $70,000. Then the IRS thinks you make too much money and you can't deduct loan interest. Bet they don't mention that when you fill out the loan applications.

(Skip this paragraph if it does not affect you, it's a bit technical and I needed to vent)
And that new 2008 First Time Homebuyer Credit?
It's not really free money, folks. You get up to $7500 this year, but then have to pay it back at $500 / year, starting in 2 years. So be prepared for a slight bump up in your tax bill then, and for the next 15 years.
*** A note - If you bought between 4/8/08 and 1/1/09, you got screwed. You have to pay your "credit" back, while those who bought from 1/1/09 to 12/1/09 don't have to, and they get $8k.
Also - this lovely plan starts to phase out for Singles making $75,000 and couples making $150,000. And you aren't even eligible if you're single making over $95 or a couple making over $170 .
When are they going to get in touch with reality and set some normal limits?

One thing that made me happy is that there is now an expanded section for Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships. Some states are allowing couples to file jointly, but the IRS / Federal Government is still making people file separate federal returns. Dipshits.

Ok, back to tax returns. Hitting the home stretch now...

A Belated Happy St Patrick's Day Wish. "It Could Be A Crackhead..."

Since I was in the boonies in wine country with about 6 seconds of total wi-fi connectivity in a week, I missed my long awaited St. Patrick's Day post. But I met some great new classmates in Napa (see above photo).
So here is one of my all time favorite clips, which I, and you too, have probably seen a gazillion times. But if it ever fails to make me laugh, just shoot me.
Have you ever seen a sexier, more charming gold front smirk?

While I was out of town spending money in Napa...

...I could have been making some just by hanging out on my local freeway.
Did you guys hear this story? It happened right up the street.

Epilogue- They have footage of people on camera picking up cash and are telling them to turn it in...Or Else.
Just wondering...If I happen to have picked up $3k and returned $1500, how would they know??? (I have a rock solid alibi. Really.)

Suspects toss cash during San Diego freeway chase
Two drug suspects tossed $17,000 onto San Diego freeways during a police chase Thursday afternoon. Motorists stopped to scoop up the bills, but police say officers recovered most of the money.

"I just saw cars stopped and them picking up money from their cars," said witness Nancy Acosta.

Police and federal drug agents were following the suspects' pickup truck when the driver fled on busy Interstate 5 during the afternoon commuter rush. They tossed $20 and $100 bills out the window before surrendering.

Cash was blowing across freeway lanes, Sgt. Kevin Rausis said. Some motorists stopped in traffic lanes to pick up the bills.

"People were jumping the median and stuffing dollar bills in their shirts," according to Cal Walker with KOGO traffic.

Law enforcement officers shut down Interstate 805. Officers following the money trail collected more than $17,200 and some passers-by later turned in cash to police.

Officers believe there is still more money out there, and are warning people to turn it in.

"It is evidence in a crime and they should turn it in to their nearest police station," Sgt. Kevin Rausis said. Officers may look at police helicopter video and Caltrans cameras to identify people who took the money.

A spokesperson for the DEA would not give details about where the money came from, but did say that it was part of a bigger ongoing investigation.

My Reality Show Update

With the help of my trusty little DVR. I've managed to keep up with a few more than usual reality shows this season. And just when one is ending (Orange County Housewives) another seems to be waiting in the wings to take over its time slot and get me sucked in again (NYC Housewives).
Some thoughts on the current crap I've been watching:

Rock of Love Bus - This show going to be *s0* boring without Ashley's commentary. Although, I have to agree with poor heartbroken Bret that still living with your baby daddy is sort of grounds for ending your tour. Am guessing VH1 held back this minor detail so we could have plenty of quality trashy ashley time this season. Stay tuned for Ashley's Rock of Love Bus when she ditches papa in a few months...

Make Me A Supermodel - What happened to Nikki Taylor? Who am I kidding? I tune in to see Tyson Beckford for an hour. But I did like her, and now there's some new chick, and no explanation. And they switched some rules / structure things around this season, but I'm willing to see where it goes. And in the meantime, watch me some Tyson.
This crew has yet to grow on me, but I do see some potential. Apparently they couldn't find guys as hot as Perry and Ben and someone else from last season, but they did set their own bar quite high for a season one.

American Idol - Vocally / Performance wise, I think the top 5 should be, in no particular order...Adam Theatre Guy, Allison Young Rocker Chick, Danny Whose Wife Just Died, Matt Piano Guy, and Lil Girl Can Sing Rounds
On Last week's Elimination - I did think that Alexis chick had a decent chance, but she didn't belt out Jolene the way I expected she could, and the way I do in the shower...and i think Young Allison could have blown the crowd away with that one. So I agree with the judges and would not have rescued her myself. In case anyone is wondering.
On This week: I dig Megan and hope she ends up as some funky jazz bluesy type artist, but let's face it, the show is keeping her around for the pretty face and bc they needed to round out the top 10 for the tour. When did we start calling her Megan Joy? I think her or oil rig guy are going home.
Kris Allen and Anoop have been pleasant surprises.

Celebrity Rehab Sober House- I got pretty into this show and the people on it, and am going to write them each a brief letter in an upcoming post.

Confessions of a Teen Idol - If you missed this season, hopefully they'll do another, or you can catch the inevitable rerun marathon one easy Sunday morning. I thought it would be cheesy at first but found that they explore a lot of interesting avenues about fame and talent and celebrity. Eric from The Grind did some soul searching and grew into an interesting person, albeit dramatic at times. And I think we'll see Christopher Atkins as the next Robert Redford in a leading role in the next few years. As well as David Chokachi, the baywatch hottie. Although my prediction for the Jeremy Baywatch guy is, unfortunately, another round of rehab.

America's Best Dance Crew - I'm slacking this season. Nobody got me as hooked as the JabbaWockeez from seasons past. Still have a few episodes to watch, maybe my opinion will change.
Ditto for Dancing with the Stars -have seen bits and pieces. and am bummed that Steve-O got hurt. Fill me in, please! Is it worth catching this time around?

Real Housewives of NYC - Good to have them back. This crew has more depth than the Orange County crew and fills me with an nyc nostalgia fix as needed. Good to see Simon & Alex are still pretentious wannabe social climbers, even after seeing themselves as such when the last season aired. Their kids are going to have one hell of a time in kindergarten.
As always, I'm looking forward to Bethany's one liners.
The countess writing an etiquette book is a bit of a joke to me. Not sure if it's the editing, but I've seen her violate quite a few big rules, and i'm no Miss Manners.
Ramona is either on something or had a bit too much of an eye lift.
And who is this new chick? Can't she afford a bra?

Tool Academy - I got sucked in and had to watch until the end, but I have, um, a slight feeling that maybe this show may have been a little rigged. (How did they know the one guy had 2 girlfriends in the beginning?) And when it got down to the final contestants, quite predictable. I just couldn't believe they'd have a testosterone freak, who is self-nicknamed "Matsu-Flex" win the show. Although he did have one of my favorite moments this season. Imagine your parents meeting your boy/girlfriend for the first time and saying something like..."during the lie detector test yesterday, we found out that I was sleeping with an Ex." So much for first impressions. But if you're dating a guy who calls himself Matsu Flex what the hell do you expect?

Any other shows that am I missing out on ?

While trying to find out if I was going to die from tainted water, I found this local news story...

March 22, 2009

Motorist smashes into house, reveals pot farm

A 63-year-old motorist was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday after he crashed a GMC pickup into a neighbor's house in Pacific Beach.

The crash, however, revealed a small marijuana farm within the damaged house, and police said they have a few questions for the residents.

The crash was reported at 3:48 p.m. on Morrell Street, said San Diego police Sgt. David Jennings. After the marijuana farm was spotted through a gaping hole in the side of the house, police obtained a seach warrant and then confiscated more than 20 pot plants, police said.

It was unclear Sunday where the residents of the home had gone, nor when they would return. A neighbor said they had gone skiing, possibly at the Mammoth Mountain ski resort.

Posted by Mark Arner | 11:20 PM

Finally! Some Real Excitement in Del Mar!

Since moving out to San Diego, I occasionally realize how much I miss the drama of NYC news. We have no subway stabbings, no shoddy un-inspected scaffold or crane collapses, and except for that crazy Santa shooting spree last Christmas, we don't have much gunfire. Aside from car chases and the imminent crashes, our emergencies tend to be of a more natural / man interfering with nature variety: earthquakes, drought warnings, forest fires, our armed forces accidentally crashing planes on training missions. That sort of thing. We also have mexicans running/boating/being stuffed into various types of vehicles & transported across borders, but apparently those busts happen so frequently, they rarely get good coverage anymore.
Our most recent leading news story has been a whale that's gotten himself lost, and has just been hanging out in one of our harbors for the past few weeks. That should give you an idea of the general level of excitement we get out here.

I am not at all a fan of being on government lists or in databases...that Clear Pass thing at the airport where I give them my iris and fingerprints totally freaks me out. But I *would* like to know if my block is on fire, so I put my name on the San Diego Reverse 911 list when I moved last year. This morning I got 3 phone calls! Last night we had....drum roll please...a water main break!! I am advised to boil water until further notice. they said for 72 hours, but that seems like an awful long time. I am kicking myself for not getting a new Brita filter this past year because I filled that bad boy up somewhere around 2am and am doubting its filtering capabilities. Note to self- may have to toss Brita. So I guess in hindsight, I'm glad I didn't just buy a new one. And I am trying hard to remember if I drank from that potentially tainted batch. I definitely had OJ around 3. But water? Not quite sure. I am not experiencing any violent stomach symptoms yet, so that's a plus. I think I have to go see what time this all went down... And then make sure my health insurance application gets through ASAP.

Side note - I went to find an exciting photo of the water main exploding somewhere nearby, and this is what I got...
That's the best they could do? What about the explosion???

Name Those Eyes...

She's precocious. And she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush.
As I was singing the Kim Carnes song, I found myself wondering...what exactly do Bette Davis Eyes look like? My old glamour movie star mind database is pretty much limited to Joan Crawford and Audrey Hepburn. So in case you too are curious, here they are.

American Idol Gossip Websites

I've gotten sucked into American Idol this season, and as I was watching last night, I found myself making up fun scandals that might involve some of this year's contestants. As Paula is no longer sleeping with finalists, I am hoping someone will step up and create some excitement this season. Surely someone must have told a good white lie on their application or taken some saucy, about to resurface photos at some point in their young life, right? So expect for some of the following websites to make their debuts this spring...

Scott isn't really blind.com
Anoop is the guy from Slumdog.com
Who the hell is this Kris Allen guy.com
Jorge is Elian Gonzalez.com
Simon is Adam's estranged father.com
I'm Danny's Wife, the show made up that whole death thing.com
Jasmine is Pregnant.com
The Oil Rig Guy Got a Lap Band for the Show.com
Buy Lil some better pants.com
Alison is Kelly Clarkson.com
Anoop is Sanjaya.com
Cara and Randy Spycam.com

Thoughts while Jogging (Or Yogging)

I went jogging today (some might pronounce it “yogging”) and some strange things ran through my head. It may have had something to do with the chat I had beforehand with Michael Phelps but, regardless, my brain was in a slightly bizarre place today. This is some of what I was thinking about as I ran...

-In the movies , when they jump onto a moving train from above…you can’t really do that. Maybe if the train is going REALLY slow and it’s all those open flat cars like in Texas. But the train passed me below while I was running up on the cliffs and I thought there is No Way I could land on that thing. It goes way too fast. MAYBE, I could have had a chance if I jumped before the train passed, but that might not end well.

- I live in California now! (Yes, it’s been over a year, but sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere)

- I don't know my license plate number

-Del Mar is a really gorgeous place to live. The flowers are already starting to bloom on the paths along the ocean cliffs and it’s only February. You east coasters should get yourselves out here for a refreshing sunny long weekend while you are still dealing with winter, and fares are cheap.

-I saw a fat man with a surfboard go down some steep oceanfront cliffside path that I’ve never seen before, and I thought if *he* can make it…so I followed him. It was really fun, and I didn’t fall on my ass. And then I realized…

-I should check the tides before I decide to venture down some steep cliffside path and run along the ocean. It’s quite wet. But then I realized…Rocks are fun to jump on!

- I haven’t changed my Brita since I’ve lived here. I moved into my place last March. Is California water ok to drink?

-Shit, I’m totally in love. It happened out of nowhere in about 6 weeks and it’s the greatest thing ever. Except the part about turning me into a sappy wuss. I’m still adjusting to that.

-The Donovan Frankenreiter show at the Belly Up was so great the other day, I think I’m going to try & get tickets on the street Thursday for the other show. And then try to get him & the band to join us for an after party. He’s just one of those people that you get a great vibe from, and I think he’d have a fantastic time jamming with my neighbors.

-The I-pod shuffle is one of the greatest inventions ever. It makes you forget you are running, and takes the fear out of skiing. Thank you Apple.

- I was looking at my leg and thought I saw some sort of muscle definition happening in the quad area. I was quite proud of myself. About 10 minutes later, I realized it was a smear of black dirt creating a shadow of faux muscle tone.

Shaq gets down with the JabbaWockeez

I dig America's Best Dance crew on MTV and the JabbaWockeez are my all time favorites. Here is a short clip of Shaq performing with them at the NBA All Star game this past weekend. Not bad moves for such a big guy.

Weekly One Minute Dance Party with Joss and Common

Get your lazy butt up off the sofa for a brief minute or two, and get down with the lovely Joss Stone, to the song that happens to be stuck in my head at the moment.
It's a slightly mellow but soulful and hip moving rhythm this week.
So the out of shape can probably groove with her for the whole song.
Enjoy. Joss rocks. The Common rap is a bit of a buzz kill if you ask me.
But Joss still rocks. Sing it,baby.

For Grandpa Milo - Merry Christmas Dear Ones

It took a room full of people about 5 minutes of clapping and cheering, but we finally coaxed a smile out of him and captured it at my cousin's wedding in October in the photo above.
A belated post of a sad but nice poem that my uncle read this Christmas, a few days after we lost our grandpa.
The poem is a bit on the religious side for me, and may be for much of my reading crowd (all 8 of you :)) so feel free to substitute your higher power of choice for the Jesus parts if you feel so inclined.

MERRY CHRISTMAS DEAR ONES

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting in the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
So be happy for me dear ones.
You know I hold you dear and be glad I'm spending Christmas,
with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift,
from my Heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory, of my undying love.
After all "Love is the gift, more precious than pure gold."
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the blessings or love He has for each of you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

The Truth About Being a First Time Mom, As Told to Me by my Friends, and Mom

Babies, babies, and one more baby!

There seems to have been something in the air about 9 or 10 months ago, as proven by the recent baby boom among my girlfriends. A belated congratulations to Mich & Todd (and big brother dog Nick) on the arrival of little Cassidy, and to K&W on Isabel's arrival. Today, I'd like to send cross country congratulations to Sarah & Marc & their new little baby, Vincent Blu.
Good luck guys!

For Mich's shower, I solicited my mama friends for advice...
What should you expect with your first baby that the books don't really tell you?
What do you do with a new baby?
What surprised you?
I think they are brilliant, and they haven't (seriously) harmed a baby yet.
Here is what they came up with....

(This is a long one, so if you don't have or aren't planning on having babies, skip to the next one...)

Get a pedicure before your due date so that when you are feeling all gross after the birth, at least you will have pretty toe nails.

The coming home outfit should be simple (like a sleeper, not a fancy dress) and size Newborn (rather than 0-3 months) is best – she won't fit into the NB either, but at least she won't look so lost.

Stay at the hospital as long as you can because once you are home, you won't be able to rest as much as you can in the hospital and don't feel guilty about sending the baby to the nursery at night - they will bring her to you when she needs you - you will spend plenty of nights with her once you are home.

If they offer bath classes or any other classes on the maternity floor while you are there, go to them.

Watch how the nurses swaddle her - they are amazing – practice as much as you can while you have the nurses to guide you. I still can't do it the way they can.

RELAX. Your baby does not know whether the left corner should be folded before the right corner on a receiving blanket or whether her feet should be bathed before her arms. If you act relaxed, your baby will be relaxed.

Use an adult emery board to file her nails (bring one to the hospital - they come out with long nails. The baby ones take forever to file and you can get much closer to the skin with the emery board as opposed to the nail file. File while she is asleep on your lap after nursing

If you have to get a urine catheter - make sure it is hidden under a blanket or under the bed before you have visitors - it is kind of embarrassing. Mine wasn't hidden when big sister A came to visit newborn brother L for the first time and we have her asking about it on video so I can continue to be embarrassed for the rest of my life.

Keep a journal of things - like when she naps or when she first started doing things like rolling over, etc bc you are going to want to compare your next one to the first and even though you think you won't forget the first time she rolls over -- you will.

Let grandparents, friends, husbands, neighbors do whatever they offer.....cleaning, errands, food prep, dog walking, etc...

Accept help, even if it is not as perfect as you think it should be. There are many ways to do things and there are many babies who have survived.

When you get home from hospital, expect: (a) to not recognize your body. (b) to be too tired to make simple phone calls or get anything done. To not care about (a) or (b).

Between hormones and exhaustion don't be surprised at how emotional you can be the first few weeks.

Don't be surprised when you leave the hospital that you still look 5 months pregnant! I was shocked. I expected my stomach to be a lot flatter quicker.

Pooping--it can take awhile after giving birth for you to be able to poop normally again.... take the stools softeners the nurses offer.

Go easy on yourself - don't expect too much at first in terms of getting back to your normal life – it will come. In the mean time, enjoy having just one little one to focus on, because it won't be the same the second (or third) time around.

Be prepared to have night sweats when you get home - I can't remember if I had them with first baby girl A, but I had them for 5 months with second child L, and just a week with third child, K. I slept with a towel under me.

Have some of those thin over night pads with wings handy for when you get home - they are much more comfortable than what you will probably get at the hospital.

Don't be afraid to let the baby cry. It is their only form of exercise and sometimes you just have to get something done –like take a shower or eat lunch. 3 minutes of a newborn cry feels like 3 hours to the mom, but keep an eye on the clock and you will realize they weren't crying that long.

Don't let the lactation consultants freak you out!! Don't get me wrong, some are very nice and very realistic, but there are some that are very die-hard and they can panic you for no reason. I don't believe in nipple confusion - I have never talked to anyone who had their infant give up the breast for a silicon pacifier or bottle. Give your baby a pacifier if she is a sucker and get her on a bottle as soon as you want to. I had one consultant yell at me for even having a pacifier in Kyle's bassinet.

Regarding breast feeding - the let down of your milk can be painful- imagine your nipples clamped in a vice. Apparently this happens to 20% of nursing moms and I am one of those lucky ones. It lasts about 10 seconds. I thought I had a yeast infection when it first happened.

If you are going to pump, start early - 2 weeks or so. Pump on one side, while she is nursing on the other at first, so you can start to build up your supply - you can never have too much mommy's milk.

Always have a phone and drink of water and remote close by while breastfeeding. Phone never fails to ring as soon as you are sitting on couch and baby is either happily nursing or sound asleep on you.

Buy an immersion blender and just stick it in the pot / bowl of fruits/ veggies. Don’t use a plastic cuisinart from china.

Babies are loud when they poop. You will be shocked. I called the doctor. No one told me this was normal.

Even girls will pee on you. Learn to change diapers QUICKLY to protect yourself.

Nap with baby when you can. She will be snuggly and smell good and make cute noises.

When you are up at crazy hours of the night, be sure to check out what’s going on at neighbors’ houses –who is up, who is just getting home, etc and enjoy the feeling that you and baby are only people in the world (other than sleeping husband… grrr ). Also, I recommend the E channel, TLC and Discovery Health.

Pay extra attention to the dog . Get him some new toys and treats that you can dole out to him the first few weeks you are home. Also, at least once a day those first few weeks let Todd/grandparent, etc. stay with the baby between feedings and take Nick for a walk by yourself. It will feel so good to get out of the house for a bit and Nick will appreciate it too.

Get dressed and get out of the house for at least an hour a day - even if it is just a walk or a quick trip to Babies R Us or Target or something. Try to talk to at least one adult (other than your partner) every day. These small things will make you feel like a person and not just a human feeding/ changing diaper machine.

Baby wipes are great – they get crayons off toys and furniture and clean a variety of things. Have wipes everywhere!

Pack your hospital suitcase early in case your water breaks before your due date.

Select a colorful robe with a pretty design to perk you up and to hide the baby's spit up stains. A front zip or tie robe and front buttoned nightgown are more practical for breastfeeding and for getting dressed easier.

Rest whenever you can. Your energy level will be lower and you'll be tired often. Unfortunately, this tiredness increases as the baby becomes more active.

Your coming home outfit should be comfortable and have an elastic waistband because you don't know what you'll weigh after giving birth.

Don't wear maternity clothes after delivering your baby since this will depress you and turn off your partner. Even a cheerful new tent dress is better.

Don't worry about the umbilical cord getting caught on the soap etc. It will fall off naturally, and everything will be ok if it's an innie or an outtie.

Sing a lot and play a lot of light music, especially when your baby 's diarrhea leaks out on your new slacks. Your baby doesn't do these things on purpose. The tough times won't last; the precious memories will. Keep things in perspective. Ask yourself, "Will this really matter five years from now?"

Treat your baby with the care, love, patience, understanding and empathy that you would expect from your spouse or your friends.

Don’t worry, you’ll learn to interpret cries like the "hungry" cry, the "Gas pain" cry, the "overtired "cry, the "bored "cry, the "lonely" cry, the "teething "cry etc. You really will learn to distinguish them and to react with comfort or companionship.

Pray your child will learn how to talk soon because it is so much better when your child can tell you her ear hurts instead of just pulling it.

Time will make communication better. So will a glass of wine once in awhile.

Food: It gets messy. Put a big plastic tablecloth under the highchair & let your baby have fun discovering how to get the food from her fingers to her mouth. As long as you don't have germs crawling all around, don't worry about a mess.

Add good food to colorful, healthy vegetables. Build broccoli trees and turkey breast houses. Enjoy this stage as an adventure.

Don't use the Lennox china baby set; use plastic (be green somewhere else) plates and cups with caps.

Food: If you pretend to like it, your baby will usually think it is great. Keep making mmmmm sounds and smiling. Get used to the baby's strange faces while tasting new foods. Play choo-choo often with the food going into your baby's mouth.

If the fussies don't pass, they will in about six months. Everything passes. I remember when it seemed like R would only eat mac and cheese for a year. She lived and did get vitamins somehow.

If your toddler has coca cola and sugared cake at a birthday party, be prepared for a very hyperactive overtired kid who cannot listen to reason until the sugar, caffeine, preservatives and artificial color wear off. This too will pass. Control what your child will eat for as long as you can.

Make your child think she is very special if she has allergies and has to eat different food. If you get across the fact that it is for her own good because she won't get a tummy ache and it is because you love her, it will work better.

Don't give food to a crying baby who isn't really hungry. Try rocking her in a rocking chair instead. I highly recommend getting a rocking chair for the baby and for you. It gets both of you through many nights of earaches, stuffed noses etc.

Receiving blankets calm a baby and help them adjust to the new world without panic. Slowly wean your baby away from receiving blankets.

They do make the baby more secure. Hands under the blanket, wrapped tightly for awhile remind the baby of being in the womb.

Eventually, the baby will get used to hands out without flipping them around in fright.

Night feeding: Stay quiet and calm so the baby gets to know the difference between day and night (sleep). Just put the night light on instead of bright lights. Change the diaper in a more quiet way than during the day. Feed the baby in the dark. This worked great for me. R and T both slept through the night by three weeks.

Diapers: Sorry, but I'm not green in this area. Buy lots of disposable diapers. Dirty diapers stink. If you wash off your own diapers, you can spill poop on the floor while on the way to the toilet/ laundry room & get very frustrated, so be careful if you use them. Choose sanity; remind yourself that you take care of the environment in different ways.

If you get ointment on the diaper's sticky tab, do not try to use it because it will unfasten, and you'll have a mess.

Make new friends with other new mothers who also start talking funny and who become concerned about mundane things like whether to get a soft coated feeding spoon or a stainless steel one. You need to become a part of a new social network -one that you may have scorned in the past.

Take your baby out in the stroller often. The fresh air and change of environment are good for you & for the baby.

Look online and in the community section of your local paper (the paper that you used to leave out in the driveway / rain/ hallway) for new mothers' classes, mother toddler-gym, mom & me art, YWCA classes etc.

Rediscover bowling leagues, (no, I'm not kidding) because many have nurseries.

Go for car rides with your baby when your baby has the fussies or after your baby gets her shots. Most babies fall asleep from the womb-like movement of a car ride. Bring a book to read in a parking lot while your baby naps.

Have two security blankets, cloth diapers, snuggle toys, same stuffed animals so both have the baby's scent. Then when one is being washed, your baby won't cry and be able to tell you are giving her another new blanket or cloth.

A cloth diaper works great as a security blanket, and it's shorter so it doesn't drag on the car floor.

Singing is great- a baby seems to learn more patience when the mother sings to her while she is waiting for his food etc.

Sing anything. After all, your baby won't know if you forget the words.

Don't expect your life to ever be the same again. There will be more worries but also more LOVE in your heart than you ever imagined you could have for anyone.

Go out on date nights with your baby's father, or out with the girls. Your baby will learn to have less separation anxiety if she has opportunities to see that you will come home after you go away. Play peek a boo a lot at first and get a Jack-in -the box to get your baby prepared for you leaving and coming home. She learns trust this way. "Bring back" a little book or toy (that you’ve bought ahead of time) so she looks forward to you going and coming back

Listen to advice but then trust your instincts and remember…you are the mother. If you need help, admit it and go for help. Talk realistically and honestly to others. It's a learning experience for all of you. If you expect perfection, you'll still have the tears and frustration, but you'll miss the fun and a wonderful experience to grow.

I hated this piece of advice but it turned out to be true… I had so many questions about baby care, feeding, dressing, sleeping, etc. and people often told me…don't worry you and baby will figure it all out. I hated that answer, I wanted to know, what people dressed their baby in to sleep, how did they know if they were too hot or too cold, is the diaper too loose or tight, are they eating enough/too much...etc But it is absolutely true, I had never been around a newborn before my own and you do figure it out as you go along.

Thanks to Court, Nic, Dunk, and my mom for the great advice. To the new mamas- let me know what you have to add to the list, as it's a work in progress.
I hope to have What To Do with a Toddler ready by the time these babies are crawling.

This Capt Sully / Miracle on the Hudson Story Still Brings a Tear to My Eye

The cockpit communications from last week's miraculous plane landing on the Hudson River were released and I am even more impressed with this pilot than I was before, and still cannot believe everyone survived. To think that he was trying to land a plane in a river as he kept calmly talking alternatives with the tower is just mind-blowing to me. Although I didn't know US Air was still around, I think I'm going to be flying with them from now on.
Katie Couric snagged the first interview with pilot Chesley Sullenberger for 60 Minutes, and it will be aired this Sunday night. I'll be watching with a big box of kleenex.

File Under: I Love Lamp

This clip makes me snort.
It's only a few seconds long...

A Bunch of Random Monday Thoughts, and a Spontaneous Trip to the FBR Open in Scottsdale

FAVORITE EMAIL OF THE DAY
In my inbox this morning were some coupons for this month's specials at my local salon. Gotta love California.
This one was my favorite.

I read their "menu" and learned that they also do anal- bleaching. Reminded me of JB's blog about Boyzillians in Singapore.

WEEKEND GETAWAY
For some reason I woke up around 545AM on Saturday and when I checked to see what time it was, I saw some texts on my phone from friends visiting Scottsdale for the FBR Open Golf Tournament telling me to get myself out there. Long story short, at 7AM I was in my car heading for the airport, and at 835 my flight was taking off for Phoenix. We didn't watch too much golf but spent a nice afternoon relaxing in the sun on (or rolling down) a hill near some green that a few golfers passed through.

Some notes to myself, and tips for any of you who may visit next year on how to make the most of this event:

-Bring my "exotic" shoes to be shined at the Phoenix Airport. I have been trying to figure out which of my shoes might qualify as "exotics." The shoeshine man was not present for me to inquire, and I am still insanely curious about his history with exotics.
- Stay at the Mondrian Hotel in Scottsdale. It has white astro turf on spacious balconies, which was totally new to me. Actually, the whole hotel was pretty white. And the lobby felt like I was in a (white) Miami hotel.
-When driving from California, there is a border checkpoint at Arizona with some big doggies that sniff your car as they pass it.
-When driving back to California from Arizona, there are 2 border control spots but they are only interested in you if you have a Mexican family hiding in your trunk. If you are white, they seem to wave and smile. It is pure racial profiling at its finest. Wasn't this banned back in the garden state?
-When at the tourney, drive past the $20 parking lots, there are some $10 lots around the corner
-If you bury your cell phone / camera good inside your purse, you can bring it in. Should have brought mine, then I'd have some photos.
-Drink ahead of time. It's crowded, beer tents were few and far between with long lines. But at the makeshift pub, waitresses come out to the line and will sell you beer. And only beer. Nothing but beer. We heard there was a real bar somewhere but as we shuffled around all day like a packed herd of cattle, we never found it.
-Skip the crowded wrist banding station when you first walk in. There are some further in with no lines.
-Be prepared for a day of only porta-potties... however it is that you like to prepare yourself for such an event...purell, extra tp, some noseplugs. Unfortunately, flip flops are not your friend in these situations. (side note- has anyone seen the aussie mockumentary film "Kenny" about the porta-potty company guy? it's a classic in my book)
-Get a program. It might be helpful when trying to figure out who you are watching.

-Dinosaurs are not extinct. They are alive and well and seem to congregate near Shell stations in Arizona.
-The drive back from Scottsdale is through a lot of pretty desert, and you'll dig it if you're into cacti like i happen to be. There are also dunes as you get closer to SD where I hear they filmed some Return of the Jedi scenes. It looks like a cool place to park your RV and ride around on some quads.

-The sheep must remain inside the vehicle while you make pit stops. Sorry folks, no quickies in the bathroom.

And the award for Best Overhead Quote of the Day Goes to a 20-ish girl, crying hysterically on her cell phone, wandering around in 85 degree heat near the tournament gate, saying " But I've never taken Ecstasy before..."

TIGGER MAKING HEADLINES
So those (approximately 8 ) of you who read an old blog of mine may recall my old buddy, Michael Phelps aka "Tigger". I was glad to hear today that so far some of his sponsors (speedo and Omega Watches) have stated publicly that they are not dropping him after photos of his monster bong hit heard round the world surfaced. (Who took and leaked these anyway?) I say cut the guy some slack. He set how many records? And he's in the off season. And it is technically a performance *diminshing* drug. And he looks like Tigger. A FOXSports.com poll found that 79 percent of readers chose "He's 23, can we all relax?"
Here is the photo if you haven't seen it. It's a pretty decent sized bong. But I'm guessing he's got some pretty decent sized lungs.

Is that an Omega watch he's wearing? I think they have their next ad campaign...