What Happens In Vegas

Unfortunately, I re-learned the hard way, again, and would like to remind you that:
a) 30 something bodies cannot rage or recover as well as 20 something bodies
b) 2 nights in Vegas is PLENTY
b1) it is entirely possible to lose 8 pounds in 3 days
c) you have a much better time if you know someone - the lines are REALLY long, especially at XS at the Wynn, and especially on holiday weekends
d) Not to be a party pooper, but... you should stick to well lighted crowded areas, with buddies - our friend stumbled into a crime scene in the Hard Rock parking garage. I'll spare the details, but there was full on blood cleanup involved. And the words "multiple homicide".



The handsome boyfriend & I headed to Sin City for my 34th this past Memorial Day weekend and I might still fail at a sobriety checkpoint. We stayed at The Palazzo suites at The Venetian, which was a beautiful place with huge rooms and lots of flat screens. Highly recommend it, although I think they were experiencing a dish shortage, as they were a bit pushy and constantly knocking to ask if we had our room service trays ready to return. If you go there - The Tao Beach Pool is small packed and like a spring break crowd. Head over to the Azure Pool, and say hi to the hostess, Marcia from last season's Rock of Love Bus. You'll spend *way* too much cash for a poolside bed, but can enjoy great overpriced Wolfgang Puck food and drinks while you lounge.

We got to see my other boyfriends from New Zealand, Flight of the Conchords, at the Joint at the Hard Rock. Fantastic show - they started dressed as robots singing Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor. A lot of new stuff, and classics like Business Time. Can I count them as one on my Fab Five Fave list?


If anyone wants to get those last few pesky pounds off before summer, I highly recommend the Vegas Diet. We lost approximately 2 lbs per day.

Once again, I ended up at the Vegas airport checking into an earlier flight than planned.
But at least Southwest didn't lose our luggage.
And a nice big fat Bite Me to Continental Airlines, who still have not found the boyfriend's Costa luggage. Virgin America Baby! Here I come!

Other weekly highlights:

Quote of the week - AK at my birthday wine party, when asked if she was hungover after a very late drinkful Sunday night..." Not at all, I danced my hangover off."

Favorite Chinglish Signs, from my B-day present book from ehlen:
On an Escalator:
Keep Your Legs. No Running.

On A Trash Can Near ATM:
Please Don't Dump Your Receipt and Keep It Carefully To Avoid Gangster Get Your Information.

I Dig Swiffering, and other thoughts

I got a new Swiffer recently. Hadn't swiffered in over a year and forgot how much I really enjoy it. It's not quite as intense as a workout, or even a yoga class, more like a mild soothing stretch. But one where your floors end up clean in the end, and I'm all for two birds with one stone.
If you've never swiffered before, they have a dry version and a wet version, but both work on the same lightweight stick. I personally go for the dry then wet combo. But sometimes I find the dry-dry-wet combo even more effective. And for floors that have been neglected a bit, you may need the heavy duty dry-dry-wet-wet combo.

Have you been following this space shuttle drama? Very exciting stuff. Apparently, the Hubble telescope is old and broken and we sent up some astronauts to fix it. But there is a 1 in 220 chance they'll get hit with space debris and get stranded. Then we'll have to send up Another space shuttle to rescue them via spacewalk. And if that isn't exciting enough....then they'll have to set a self destruct code on the broken space shuttle and blow it up. Leaving more space debris behind to hit them next time they go fix Hubble.
Maybe I'll send NASA some swiffers.

In lighter news, this week on tv I watched Tyra say sometimes you need to have an "outer" body experience. It reminded me of a certain verbally challenged friend I have. And then Ramona on NYC Housewives tried to say "kudos" (I think) and she enthusiastically said "kadoos" to us. And speaking of NYC Housewives, is it me or is this Kelly chick completely loony? Either she is boozing it up a bit or has some memory or personality disorder.

As for world news, I have to say that I am kind of excited that there are still pirates out there. I feel bad for the people whose ships they hijack. But pirates in 2009 is pretty cool if you ask me.

In you learn something new everyday news....
Did you know that you can't give a belly fart to a dog?
I was very disappointed. It makes a warm swell, and the dog looks at you funny, but the fur muffles any intended sound.

Happy Friday! One Minute Dance Party with Madcon

This song is stuck in my head at the moment so now I'm sticking it in your head. Happy Friday!

Costa RRRRRRRita

So I've been a blog slacker lately. After tax season ended, the handsome boyfriend & I joined a few others in Playa Avellanas, near Tamarindo in Costa Rica for a week. It was beautiful and jungly and hot and somewhere in between 2nd and 3rd world, and I loved the slow pace of life and lack of phone and internet connectivity. And accidentally repeatedly calling their money Cojones instead of Colones.

If you're planning to visit, don't even think of going without a 4WD vehicle...they have a very loose definition of the word "road" down there.
I'd also avoid the next few months, as rainy season is about to hit.
And Continental. They are not so good with the luggage checking thing. His still hasn't turned up. And the "customer service" we received involved being lied to multiple times, and then hung up on. Thanks to the generous Geneva Convention, the limit for lost international luggage is a whopping $640. Luckily, guys don't need much more than a bathing suit, some flip flops, and sunscreen to make it through the week. He was a real trooper about it, although I think he was secretly lamenting the loss of his bag of protein powder. (Not readily available in the jungle)

Aside from the amazing waves, tasty food, and ziplining, we saw monkeys!! All over the place. They lived up to their name, and howled like wolves in the woods. Check out this baby one jumping through the trees.


Stay tuned for future post of the letter to Continental, sharing our feelings about the lost luggage experience. I may need some help from my gals Kelly "Sometimes I like to write letters", Amy "that must be some amazing elevator", and Jackie "free stay at the 4 Seasons" as I am thinking they should compensate us with something like Elite Status for Life and No Checked Bag Fees.

Sometimes I Like to Write Letters # 2

Jerk Hammering

The Dance of the Sunset Palms

Am hitting the home stretch with tax season, and needed a few relaxing minutes today, away from tax forms. While watching the sunset out the window, I thought the palm trees were dancing to the music we had playing. Check them out...



Happy April 15th! Go pay your taxes already.

Older, and slightly More Flammable: Thank You Therma-Care Heat Wraps

I like to read warning labels and fine print on boxes. The things they are required to print on them these days cracks me up. Like nut warnings on packages of nuts. Today I was reading the Therma Care Heat Wraps box. (Shameless product pitch - if you have not tried them for cramps and aches, you are missing out. They're like ski boot warmie packs but with velcro to wrap around you and make you feel soothing heated love)
On the back of the box it reads:
55 OR OLDER: YOUR RISK OF BURNING INCREASES AS YOU AGE. IF YOU ARE 55 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER, WEAR THERMACARE OVER A LAYER OF CLOTHING, NOT DIRECTLY AGAINST YOUR SKIN...

I was not at all aware of this. But apparently, we are all getting slightly more flammable with age.

Silk Tie Dyed Easter Eggs - Create Magic with Loud Tacky Patterns - Get in Touch with your Inner Martha Stewart this Easter Weekend

If you've never tried dyeing Easter eggs with men's neckties before, then get yourself down to the local thrift shop and recycle a few, or do some closet raiding. (Make sure they're real silk though. Polyester & cotton ones won't work. The tackier the pattern, the better....purples and pinks work great. Yellows, not so much)

I learned this from some woman on the martha stewart show a few years ago and have been doing them ever since. The tie patterns transfer to the eggs in trippy abstract patterns, and no two are ever identical. Don't expect perfection - sometimes you'll get whole chunks of the pattern, other times, just some warpy blurs. And you may want to open the kitchen window when you cook these babies up...the vinegar and dye stinks the place up a bit.

Here are some photos from this year's batch:

Instructions are here:
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/silk-tie-easter-eggs

Friday One Minute Dance Party with Pink and Bimbo Jones

It's Friday! It's gorgeous out! And I'm almost done with taxes! And exclamation points. In keeping with my Brooklyn / Amy / Ellen inspired tradition, it's time for the daily one minute dance party.

This Bimbo Jones remix of Pink's Sober makes me get up off my lazy tax returning ass. And it's also a great boxing workout song. So put up your dukes and celebrate Friday with Pink, Bimbo Jones, and a minute of dancing.

Interesting Tax Form Lines

Each time I prepare a new tax return, I come across new and interesting lines that have made their way onto our tax forms, usually via some new government program / rebate / assistance package. If you haven't read through a 1040, or other tax form...they can get quite technical, and require you to jump through mathematical loops as you go from line to line. The additions of these little lines just crack me up and make me have to go back and start my math over.

For example- Line 42 -
"If Line 38 is over $119,975 or you provided housing to a Midwest displaced individual, see instructions. Otherwise, multiply 3500 by the number of exemptions on Line 6d. "
I guess we should have all been housing midwesterners for tax breaks this past year. Who knew. But I bet i can find some nice deductions with those Meth Lab startup costs.

There is also an actual question that says...
"Was the business located in a Qualified Disaster Area? "
I am wondering where to get this qualification form, as my office might qualify on most days.

Some lines just make me say "Huh?"...Line 60 - K
"Additional tax on recapture of a charitable contribution deduction relating to the contribution of a fractional interest in tangible personal property."
All I get from this is that someone got in trouble for overstating some donation and now we have an extra line cluttering up our tax forms.

One thing that really annoyed me to learn...You know how they preach that student loan interest is tax deductible? Well, it is. Kind of. Until your salary hits $70,000. Then the IRS thinks you make too much money and you can't deduct loan interest. Bet they don't mention that when you fill out the loan applications.

(Skip this paragraph if it does not affect you, it's a bit technical and I needed to vent)
And that new 2008 First Time Homebuyer Credit?
It's not really free money, folks. You get up to $7500 this year, but then have to pay it back at $500 / year, starting in 2 years. So be prepared for a slight bump up in your tax bill then, and for the next 15 years.
*** A note - If you bought between 4/8/08 and 1/1/09, you got screwed. You have to pay your "credit" back, while those who bought from 1/1/09 to 12/1/09 don't have to, and they get $8k.
Also - this lovely plan starts to phase out for Singles making $75,000 and couples making $150,000. And you aren't even eligible if you're single making over $95 or a couple making over $170 .
When are they going to get in touch with reality and set some normal limits?

One thing that made me happy is that there is now an expanded section for Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships. Some states are allowing couples to file jointly, but the IRS / Federal Government is still making people file separate federal returns. Dipshits.

Ok, back to tax returns. Hitting the home stretch now...

A Belated Happy St Patrick's Day Wish. "It Could Be A Crackhead..."

Since I was in the boonies in wine country with about 6 seconds of total wi-fi connectivity in a week, I missed my long awaited St. Patrick's Day post. But I met some great new classmates in Napa (see above photo).
So here is one of my all time favorite clips, which I, and you too, have probably seen a gazillion times. But if it ever fails to make me laugh, just shoot me.
Have you ever seen a sexier, more charming gold front smirk?

While I was out of town spending money in Napa...

...I could have been making some just by hanging out on my local freeway.
Did you guys hear this story? It happened right up the street.

Epilogue- They have footage of people on camera picking up cash and are telling them to turn it in...Or Else.
Just wondering...If I happen to have picked up $3k and returned $1500, how would they know??? (I have a rock solid alibi. Really.)

Suspects toss cash during San Diego freeway chase
Two drug suspects tossed $17,000 onto San Diego freeways during a police chase Thursday afternoon. Motorists stopped to scoop up the bills, but police say officers recovered most of the money.

"I just saw cars stopped and them picking up money from their cars," said witness Nancy Acosta.

Police and federal drug agents were following the suspects' pickup truck when the driver fled on busy Interstate 5 during the afternoon commuter rush. They tossed $20 and $100 bills out the window before surrendering.

Cash was blowing across freeway lanes, Sgt. Kevin Rausis said. Some motorists stopped in traffic lanes to pick up the bills.

"People were jumping the median and stuffing dollar bills in their shirts," according to Cal Walker with KOGO traffic.

Law enforcement officers shut down Interstate 805. Officers following the money trail collected more than $17,200 and some passers-by later turned in cash to police.

Officers believe there is still more money out there, and are warning people to turn it in.

"It is evidence in a crime and they should turn it in to their nearest police station," Sgt. Kevin Rausis said. Officers may look at police helicopter video and Caltrans cameras to identify people who took the money.

A spokesperson for the DEA would not give details about where the money came from, but did say that it was part of a bigger ongoing investigation.

My Reality Show Update

With the help of my trusty little DVR. I've managed to keep up with a few more than usual reality shows this season. And just when one is ending (Orange County Housewives) another seems to be waiting in the wings to take over its time slot and get me sucked in again (NYC Housewives).
Some thoughts on the current crap I've been watching:

Rock of Love Bus - This show going to be *s0* boring without Ashley's commentary. Although, I have to agree with poor heartbroken Bret that still living with your baby daddy is sort of grounds for ending your tour. Am guessing VH1 held back this minor detail so we could have plenty of quality trashy ashley time this season. Stay tuned for Ashley's Rock of Love Bus when she ditches papa in a few months...

Make Me A Supermodel - What happened to Nikki Taylor? Who am I kidding? I tune in to see Tyson Beckford for an hour. But I did like her, and now there's some new chick, and no explanation. And they switched some rules / structure things around this season, but I'm willing to see where it goes. And in the meantime, watch me some Tyson.
This crew has yet to grow on me, but I do see some potential. Apparently they couldn't find guys as hot as Perry and Ben and someone else from last season, but they did set their own bar quite high for a season one.

American Idol - Vocally / Performance wise, I think the top 5 should be, in no particular order...Adam Theatre Guy, Allison Young Rocker Chick, Danny Whose Wife Just Died, Matt Piano Guy, and Lil Girl Can Sing Rounds
On Last week's Elimination - I did think that Alexis chick had a decent chance, but she didn't belt out Jolene the way I expected she could, and the way I do in the shower...and i think Young Allison could have blown the crowd away with that one. So I agree with the judges and would not have rescued her myself. In case anyone is wondering.
On This week: I dig Megan and hope she ends up as some funky jazz bluesy type artist, but let's face it, the show is keeping her around for the pretty face and bc they needed to round out the top 10 for the tour. When did we start calling her Megan Joy? I think her or oil rig guy are going home.
Kris Allen and Anoop have been pleasant surprises.

Celebrity Rehab Sober House- I got pretty into this show and the people on it, and am going to write them each a brief letter in an upcoming post.

Confessions of a Teen Idol - If you missed this season, hopefully they'll do another, or you can catch the inevitable rerun marathon one easy Sunday morning. I thought it would be cheesy at first but found that they explore a lot of interesting avenues about fame and talent and celebrity. Eric from The Grind did some soul searching and grew into an interesting person, albeit dramatic at times. And I think we'll see Christopher Atkins as the next Robert Redford in a leading role in the next few years. As well as David Chokachi, the baywatch hottie. Although my prediction for the Jeremy Baywatch guy is, unfortunately, another round of rehab.

America's Best Dance Crew - I'm slacking this season. Nobody got me as hooked as the JabbaWockeez from seasons past. Still have a few episodes to watch, maybe my opinion will change.
Ditto for Dancing with the Stars -have seen bits and pieces. and am bummed that Steve-O got hurt. Fill me in, please! Is it worth catching this time around?

Real Housewives of NYC - Good to have them back. This crew has more depth than the Orange County crew and fills me with an nyc nostalgia fix as needed. Good to see Simon & Alex are still pretentious wannabe social climbers, even after seeing themselves as such when the last season aired. Their kids are going to have one hell of a time in kindergarten.
As always, I'm looking forward to Bethany's one liners.
The countess writing an etiquette book is a bit of a joke to me. Not sure if it's the editing, but I've seen her violate quite a few big rules, and i'm no Miss Manners.
Ramona is either on something or had a bit too much of an eye lift.
And who is this new chick? Can't she afford a bra?

Tool Academy - I got sucked in and had to watch until the end, but I have, um, a slight feeling that maybe this show may have been a little rigged. (How did they know the one guy had 2 girlfriends in the beginning?) And when it got down to the final contestants, quite predictable. I just couldn't believe they'd have a testosterone freak, who is self-nicknamed "Matsu-Flex" win the show. Although he did have one of my favorite moments this season. Imagine your parents meeting your boy/girlfriend for the first time and saying something like..."during the lie detector test yesterday, we found out that I was sleeping with an Ex." So much for first impressions. But if you're dating a guy who calls himself Matsu Flex what the hell do you expect?

Any other shows that am I missing out on ?

While trying to find out if I was going to die from tainted water, I found this local news story...

March 22, 2009

Motorist smashes into house, reveals pot farm

A 63-year-old motorist was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday after he crashed a GMC pickup into a neighbor's house in Pacific Beach.

The crash, however, revealed a small marijuana farm within the damaged house, and police said they have a few questions for the residents.

The crash was reported at 3:48 p.m. on Morrell Street, said San Diego police Sgt. David Jennings. After the marijuana farm was spotted through a gaping hole in the side of the house, police obtained a seach warrant and then confiscated more than 20 pot plants, police said.

It was unclear Sunday where the residents of the home had gone, nor when they would return. A neighbor said they had gone skiing, possibly at the Mammoth Mountain ski resort.

Posted by Mark Arner | 11:20 PM

Finally! Some Real Excitement in Del Mar!

Since moving out to San Diego, I occasionally realize how much I miss the drama of NYC news. We have no subway stabbings, no shoddy un-inspected scaffold or crane collapses, and except for that crazy Santa shooting spree last Christmas, we don't have much gunfire. Aside from car chases and the imminent crashes, our emergencies tend to be of a more natural / man interfering with nature variety: earthquakes, drought warnings, forest fires, our armed forces accidentally crashing planes on training missions. That sort of thing. We also have mexicans running/boating/being stuffed into various types of vehicles & transported across borders, but apparently those busts happen so frequently, they rarely get good coverage anymore.
Our most recent leading news story has been a whale that's gotten himself lost, and has just been hanging out in one of our harbors for the past few weeks. That should give you an idea of the general level of excitement we get out here.

I am not at all a fan of being on government lists or in databases...that Clear Pass thing at the airport where I give them my iris and fingerprints totally freaks me out. But I *would* like to know if my block is on fire, so I put my name on the San Diego Reverse 911 list when I moved last year. This morning I got 3 phone calls! Last night we had....drum roll please...a water main break!! I am advised to boil water until further notice. they said for 72 hours, but that seems like an awful long time. I am kicking myself for not getting a new Brita filter this past year because I filled that bad boy up somewhere around 2am and am doubting its filtering capabilities. Note to self- may have to toss Brita. So I guess in hindsight, I'm glad I didn't just buy a new one. And I am trying hard to remember if I drank from that potentially tainted batch. I definitely had OJ around 3. But water? Not quite sure. I am not experiencing any violent stomach symptoms yet, so that's a plus. I think I have to go see what time this all went down... And then make sure my health insurance application gets through ASAP.

Side note - I went to find an exciting photo of the water main exploding somewhere nearby, and this is what I got...
That's the best they could do? What about the explosion???

Name Those Eyes...

She's precocious. And she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush.
As I was singing the Kim Carnes song, I found myself wondering...what exactly do Bette Davis Eyes look like? My old glamour movie star mind database is pretty much limited to Joan Crawford and Audrey Hepburn. So in case you too are curious, here they are.

American Idol Gossip Websites

I've gotten sucked into American Idol this season, and as I was watching last night, I found myself making up fun scandals that might involve some of this year's contestants. As Paula is no longer sleeping with finalists, I am hoping someone will step up and create some excitement this season. Surely someone must have told a good white lie on their application or taken some saucy, about to resurface photos at some point in their young life, right? So expect for some of the following websites to make their debuts this spring...

Scott isn't really blind.com
Anoop is the guy from Slumdog.com
Who the hell is this Kris Allen guy.com
Jorge is Elian Gonzalez.com
Simon is Adam's estranged father.com
I'm Danny's Wife, the show made up that whole death thing.com
Jasmine is Pregnant.com
The Oil Rig Guy Got a Lap Band for the Show.com
Buy Lil some better pants.com
Alison is Kelly Clarkson.com
Anoop is Sanjaya.com
Cara and Randy Spycam.com

Thoughts while Jogging (Or Yogging)

I went jogging today (some might pronounce it “yogging”) and some strange things ran through my head. It may have had something to do with the chat I had beforehand with Michael Phelps but, regardless, my brain was in a slightly bizarre place today. This is some of what I was thinking about as I ran...

-In the movies , when they jump onto a moving train from above…you can’t really do that. Maybe if the train is going REALLY slow and it’s all those open flat cars like in Texas. But the train passed me below while I was running up on the cliffs and I thought there is No Way I could land on that thing. It goes way too fast. MAYBE, I could have had a chance if I jumped before the train passed, but that might not end well.

- I live in California now! (Yes, it’s been over a year, but sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere)

- I don't know my license plate number

-Del Mar is a really gorgeous place to live. The flowers are already starting to bloom on the paths along the ocean cliffs and it’s only February. You east coasters should get yourselves out here for a refreshing sunny long weekend while you are still dealing with winter, and fares are cheap.

-I saw a fat man with a surfboard go down some steep oceanfront cliffside path that I’ve never seen before, and I thought if *he* can make it…so I followed him. It was really fun, and I didn’t fall on my ass. And then I realized…

-I should check the tides before I decide to venture down some steep cliffside path and run along the ocean. It’s quite wet. But then I realized…Rocks are fun to jump on!

- I haven’t changed my Brita since I’ve lived here. I moved into my place last March. Is California water ok to drink?

-Shit, I’m totally in love. It happened out of nowhere in about 6 weeks and it’s the greatest thing ever. Except the part about turning me into a sappy wuss. I’m still adjusting to that.

-The Donovan Frankenreiter show at the Belly Up was so great the other day, I think I’m going to try & get tickets on the street Thursday for the other show. And then try to get him & the band to join us for an after party. He’s just one of those people that you get a great vibe from, and I think he’d have a fantastic time jamming with my neighbors.

-The I-pod shuffle is one of the greatest inventions ever. It makes you forget you are running, and takes the fear out of skiing. Thank you Apple.

- I was looking at my leg and thought I saw some sort of muscle definition happening in the quad area. I was quite proud of myself. About 10 minutes later, I realized it was a smear of black dirt creating a shadow of faux muscle tone.

Shaq gets down with the JabbaWockeez

I dig America's Best Dance crew on MTV and the JabbaWockeez are my all time favorites. Here is a short clip of Shaq performing with them at the NBA All Star game this past weekend. Not bad moves for such a big guy.

Weekly One Minute Dance Party with Joss and Common

Get your lazy butt up off the sofa for a brief minute or two, and get down with the lovely Joss Stone, to the song that happens to be stuck in my head at the moment.
It's a slightly mellow but soulful and hip moving rhythm this week.
So the out of shape can probably groove with her for the whole song.
Enjoy. Joss rocks. The Common rap is a bit of a buzz kill if you ask me.
But Joss still rocks. Sing it,baby.

For Grandpa Milo - Merry Christmas Dear Ones

It took a room full of people about 5 minutes of clapping and cheering, but we finally coaxed a smile out of him and captured it at my cousin's wedding in October in the photo above.
A belated post of a sad but nice poem that my uncle read this Christmas, a few days after we lost our grandpa.
The poem is a bit on the religious side for me, and may be for much of my reading crowd (all 8 of you :)) so feel free to substitute your higher power of choice for the Jesus parts if you feel so inclined.

MERRY CHRISTMAS DEAR ONES

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting in the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
So be happy for me dear ones.
You know I hold you dear and be glad I'm spending Christmas,
with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift,
from my Heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory, of my undying love.
After all "Love is the gift, more precious than pure gold."
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the blessings or love He has for each of you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.