The Dance of the Sunset Palms

Am hitting the home stretch with tax season, and needed a few relaxing minutes today, away from tax forms. While watching the sunset out the window, I thought the palm trees were dancing to the music we had playing. Check them out...



Happy April 15th! Go pay your taxes already.

Older, and slightly More Flammable: Thank You Therma-Care Heat Wraps

I like to read warning labels and fine print on boxes. The things they are required to print on them these days cracks me up. Like nut warnings on packages of nuts. Today I was reading the Therma Care Heat Wraps box. (Shameless product pitch - if you have not tried them for cramps and aches, you are missing out. They're like ski boot warmie packs but with velcro to wrap around you and make you feel soothing heated love)
On the back of the box it reads:
55 OR OLDER: YOUR RISK OF BURNING INCREASES AS YOU AGE. IF YOU ARE 55 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER, WEAR THERMACARE OVER A LAYER OF CLOTHING, NOT DIRECTLY AGAINST YOUR SKIN...

I was not at all aware of this. But apparently, we are all getting slightly more flammable with age.

Silk Tie Dyed Easter Eggs - Create Magic with Loud Tacky Patterns - Get in Touch with your Inner Martha Stewart this Easter Weekend

If you've never tried dyeing Easter eggs with men's neckties before, then get yourself down to the local thrift shop and recycle a few, or do some closet raiding. (Make sure they're real silk though. Polyester & cotton ones won't work. The tackier the pattern, the better....purples and pinks work great. Yellows, not so much)

I learned this from some woman on the martha stewart show a few years ago and have been doing them ever since. The tie patterns transfer to the eggs in trippy abstract patterns, and no two are ever identical. Don't expect perfection - sometimes you'll get whole chunks of the pattern, other times, just some warpy blurs. And you may want to open the kitchen window when you cook these babies up...the vinegar and dye stinks the place up a bit.

Here are some photos from this year's batch:

Instructions are here:
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/silk-tie-easter-eggs

Friday One Minute Dance Party with Pink and Bimbo Jones

It's Friday! It's gorgeous out! And I'm almost done with taxes! And exclamation points. In keeping with my Brooklyn / Amy / Ellen inspired tradition, it's time for the daily one minute dance party.

This Bimbo Jones remix of Pink's Sober makes me get up off my lazy tax returning ass. And it's also a great boxing workout song. So put up your dukes and celebrate Friday with Pink, Bimbo Jones, and a minute of dancing.

Interesting Tax Form Lines

Each time I prepare a new tax return, I come across new and interesting lines that have made their way onto our tax forms, usually via some new government program / rebate / assistance package. If you haven't read through a 1040, or other tax form...they can get quite technical, and require you to jump through mathematical loops as you go from line to line. The additions of these little lines just crack me up and make me have to go back and start my math over.

For example- Line 42 -
"If Line 38 is over $119,975 or you provided housing to a Midwest displaced individual, see instructions. Otherwise, multiply 3500 by the number of exemptions on Line 6d. "
I guess we should have all been housing midwesterners for tax breaks this past year. Who knew. But I bet i can find some nice deductions with those Meth Lab startup costs.

There is also an actual question that says...
"Was the business located in a Qualified Disaster Area? "
I am wondering where to get this qualification form, as my office might qualify on most days.

Some lines just make me say "Huh?"...Line 60 - K
"Additional tax on recapture of a charitable contribution deduction relating to the contribution of a fractional interest in tangible personal property."
All I get from this is that someone got in trouble for overstating some donation and now we have an extra line cluttering up our tax forms.

One thing that really annoyed me to learn...You know how they preach that student loan interest is tax deductible? Well, it is. Kind of. Until your salary hits $70,000. Then the IRS thinks you make too much money and you can't deduct loan interest. Bet they don't mention that when you fill out the loan applications.

(Skip this paragraph if it does not affect you, it's a bit technical and I needed to vent)
And that new 2008 First Time Homebuyer Credit?
It's not really free money, folks. You get up to $7500 this year, but then have to pay it back at $500 / year, starting in 2 years. So be prepared for a slight bump up in your tax bill then, and for the next 15 years.
*** A note - If you bought between 4/8/08 and 1/1/09, you got screwed. You have to pay your "credit" back, while those who bought from 1/1/09 to 12/1/09 don't have to, and they get $8k.
Also - this lovely plan starts to phase out for Singles making $75,000 and couples making $150,000. And you aren't even eligible if you're single making over $95 or a couple making over $170 .
When are they going to get in touch with reality and set some normal limits?

One thing that made me happy is that there is now an expanded section for Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships. Some states are allowing couples to file jointly, but the IRS / Federal Government is still making people file separate federal returns. Dipshits.

Ok, back to tax returns. Hitting the home stretch now...

A Belated Happy St Patrick's Day Wish. "It Could Be A Crackhead..."

Since I was in the boonies in wine country with about 6 seconds of total wi-fi connectivity in a week, I missed my long awaited St. Patrick's Day post. But I met some great new classmates in Napa (see above photo).
So here is one of my all time favorite clips, which I, and you too, have probably seen a gazillion times. But if it ever fails to make me laugh, just shoot me.
Have you ever seen a sexier, more charming gold front smirk?