Babies, babies, and one more baby!
There seems to have been something in the air about 9 or 10 months ago, as proven by the recent baby boom among my girlfriends. A belated congratulations to Mich & Todd (and big brother dog Nick) on the arrival of little Cassidy, and to K&W on Isabel's arrival. Today, I'd like to send cross country congratulations to Sarah & Marc & their new little baby, Vincent Blu.
Good luck guys!
For Mich's shower, I solicited my mama friends for advice...
What should you expect with your first baby that the books don't really tell you?
What do you do with a new baby?
What surprised you?
I think they are brilliant, and they haven't (seriously) harmed a baby yet.
Here is what they came up with....
(This is a long one, so if you don't have or aren't planning on having babies, skip to the next one...)
Get a pedicure before your due date so that when you are feeling all gross after the birth, at least you will have pretty toe nails. The coming home outfit should be simple (like a sleeper, not a fancy dress) and size Newborn (rather than 0-3 months) is best – she won't fit into the NB either, but at least she won't look so lost.
Stay at the hospital as long as you can because once you are home, you won't be able to rest as much as you can in the hospital and don't feel guilty about sending the baby to the nursery at night - they will bring her to you when she needs you - you will spend plenty of nights with her once you are home.
If they offer bath classes or any other classes on the maternity floor while you are there, go to them.
Watch how the nurses swaddle her - they are amazing – practice as much as you can while you have the nurses to guide you. I still can't do it the way they can.
RELAX. Your baby does not know whether the left corner should be folded before the right corner on a receiving blanket or whether her feet should be bathed before her arms. If you act relaxed, your baby will be relaxed.
Use an adult emery board to file her nails (bring one to the hospital - they come out with long nails. The baby ones take forever to file and you can get much closer to the skin with the emery board as opposed to the nail file. File while she is asleep on your lap after nursing
If you have to get a urine catheter - make sure it is hidden under a blanket or under the bed before you have visitors - it is kind of embarrassing. Mine wasn't hidden when big sister A came to visit newborn brother L for the first time and we have her asking about it on video so I can continue to be embarrassed for the rest of my life.
Keep a journal of things - like when she naps or when she first started doing things like rolling over, etc bc you are going to want to compare your next one to the first and even though you think you won't forget the first time she rolls over -- you will.
Let grandparents, friends, husbands, neighbors do whatever they offer.....cleaning, errands, food prep, dog walking, etc...
Accept help, even if it is not as perfect as you think it should be. There are many ways to do things and there are many babies who have survived.
When you get home from hospital, expect: (a) to not recognize your body. (b) to be too tired to make simple phone calls or get anything done. To not care about (a) or (b).
Between hormones and exhaustion don't be surprised at how emotional you can be the first few weeks.
Don't be surprised when you leave the hospital that you still look 5 months pregnant! I was shocked. I expected my stomach to be a lot flatter quicker.
Pooping--it can take awhile after giving birth for you to be able to poop normally again.... take the stools softeners the nurses offer.
Go easy on yourself - don't expect too much at first in terms of getting back to your normal life – it will come. In the mean time, enjoy having just one little one to focus on, because it won't be the same the second (or third) time around.
Be prepared to have night sweats when you get home - I can't remember if I had them with first baby girl A, but I had them for 5 months with second child L, and just a week with third child, K. I slept with a towel under me.
Have some of those thin over night pads with wings handy for when you get home - they are much more comfortable than what you will probably get at the hospital.
Don't be afraid to let the baby cry. It is their only form of exercise and sometimes you just have to get something done –like take a shower or eat lunch. 3 minutes of a newborn cry feels like 3 hours to the mom, but keep an eye on the clock and you will realize they weren't crying that long.
Don't let the lactation consultants freak you out!! Don't get me wrong, some are very nice and very realistic, but there are some that are very die-hard and they can panic you for no reason. I don't believe in nipple confusion - I have never talked to anyone who had their infant give up the breast for a silicon pacifier or bottle. Give your baby a pacifier if she is a sucker and get her on a bottle as soon as you want to. I had one consultant yell at me for even having a pacifier in Kyle's bassinet.
Regarding breast feeding - the let down of your milk can be painful- imagine your nipples clamped in a vice. Apparently this happens to 20% of nursing moms and I am one of those lucky ones. It lasts about 10 seconds. I thought I had a yeast infection when it first happened.
If you are going to pump, start early - 2 weeks or so. Pump on one side, while she is nursing on the other at first, so you can start to build up your supply - you can never have too much mommy's milk.
Always have a phone and drink of water and remote close by while breastfeeding. Phone never fails to ring as soon as you are sitting on couch and baby is either happily nursing or sound asleep on you.
Buy an immersion blender and just stick it in the pot / bowl of fruits/ veggies. Don’t use a plastic cuisinart from china.
Babies are loud when they poop. You will be shocked. I called the doctor. No one told me this was normal.
Even girls will pee on you. Learn to change diapers QUICKLY to protect yourself.
Nap with baby when you can. She will be snuggly and smell good and make cute noises.
When you are up at crazy hours of the night, be sure to check out what’s going on at neighbors’ houses –who is up, who is just getting home, etc and enjoy the feeling that you and baby are only people in the world (other than sleeping husband… grrr ). Also, I recommend the E channel, TLC and Discovery Health.
Pay extra attention to the dog . Get him some new toys and treats that you can dole out to him the first few weeks you are home. Also, at least once a day those first few weeks let Todd/grandparent, etc. stay with the baby between feedings and take Nick for a walk by yourself. It will feel so good to get out of the house for a bit and Nick will appreciate it too.
Get dressed and get out of the house for at least an hour a day - even if it is just a walk or a quick trip to Babies R Us or Target or something. Try to talk to at least one adult (other than your partner) every day. These small things will make you feel like a person and not just a human feeding/ changing diaper machine.
Baby wipes are great – they get crayons off toys and furniture and clean a variety of things. Have wipes everywhere!
Pack your hospital suitcase early in case your water breaks before your due date.
Select a colorful robe with a pretty design to perk you up and to hide the baby's spit up stains. A front zip or tie robe and front buttoned nightgown are more practical for breastfeeding and for getting dressed easier.
Rest whenever you can. Your energy level will be lower and you'll be tired often. Unfortunately, this tiredness increases as the baby becomes more active.
Your coming home outfit should be comfortable and have an elastic waistband because you don't know what you'll weigh after giving birth.
Don't wear maternity clothes after delivering your baby since this will depress you and turn off your partner. Even a cheerful new tent dress is better.
Don't worry about the umbilical cord getting caught on the soap etc. It will fall off naturally, and everything will be ok if it's an innie or an outtie.
Sing a lot and play a lot of light music, especially when your baby 's diarrhea leaks out on your new slacks. Your baby doesn't do these things on purpose. The tough times won't last; the precious memories will. Keep things in perspective. Ask yourself, "Will this really matter five years from now?"
Treat your baby with the care, love, patience, understanding and empathy that you would expect from your spouse or your friends.
Don’t worry, you’ll learn to interpret cries like the "hungry" cry, the "Gas pain" cry, the "overtired "cry, the "bored "cry, the "lonely" cry, the "teething "cry etc. You really will learn to distinguish them and to react with comfort or companionship.
Pray your child will learn how to talk soon because it is so much better when your child can tell you her ear hurts instead of just pulling it.
Time will make communication better. So will a glass of wine once in awhile.
Food: It gets messy. Put a big plastic tablecloth under the highchair & let your baby have fun discovering how to get the food from her fingers to her mouth. As long as you don't have germs crawling all around, don't worry about a mess.
Add good food to colorful, healthy vegetables. Build broccoli trees and turkey breast houses. Enjoy this stage as an adventure.
Don't use the Lennox china baby set; use plastic (be green somewhere else) plates and cups with caps.
Food: If you pretend to like it, your baby will usually think it is great. Keep making mmmmm sounds and smiling. Get used to the baby's strange faces while tasting new foods. Play choo-choo often with the food going into your baby's mouth.
If the fussies don't pass, they will in about six months. Everything passes. I remember when it seemed like R would only eat mac and cheese for a year. She lived and did get vitamins somehow.
If your toddler has coca cola and sugared cake at a birthday party, be prepared for a very hyperactive overtired kid who cannot listen to reason until the sugar, caffeine, preservatives and artificial color wear off. This too will pass. Control what your child will eat for as long as you can.
Make your child think she is very special if she has allergies and has to eat different food. If you get across the fact that it is for her own good because she won't get a tummy ache and it is because you love her, it will work better.
Don't give food to a crying baby who isn't really hungry. Try rocking her in a rocking chair instead. I highly recommend getting a rocking chair for the baby and for you. It gets both of you through many nights of earaches, stuffed noses etc.
Receiving blankets calm a baby and help them adjust to the new world without panic. Slowly wean your baby away from receiving blankets.
They do make the baby more secure. Hands under the blanket, wrapped tightly for awhile remind the baby of being in the womb.
Eventually, the baby will get used to hands out without flipping them around in fright.
Night feeding: Stay quiet and calm so the baby gets to know the difference between day and night (sleep). Just put the night light on instead of bright lights. Change the diaper in a more quiet way than during the day. Feed the baby in the dark. This worked great for me. R and T both slept through the night by three weeks.
Diapers: Sorry, but I'm not green in this area. Buy lots of disposable diapers. Dirty diapers stink. If you wash off your own diapers, you can spill poop on the floor while on the way to the toilet/ laundry room & get very frustrated, so be careful if you use them. Choose sanity; remind yourself that you take care of the environment in different ways.
If you get ointment on the diaper's sticky tab, do not try to use it because it will unfasten, and you'll have a mess.
Make new friends with other new mothers who also start talking funny and who become concerned about mundane things like whether to get a soft coated feeding spoon or a stainless steel one. You need to become a part of a new social network -one that you may have scorned in the past.
Take your baby out in the stroller often. The fresh air and change of environment are good for you & for the baby.
Look online and in the community section of your local paper (the paper that you used to leave out in the driveway / rain/ hallway) for new mothers' classes, mother toddler-gym, mom & me art, YWCA classes etc.
Rediscover bowling leagues, (no, I'm not kidding) because many have nurseries.
Go for car rides with your baby when your baby has the fussies or after your baby gets her shots. Most babies fall asleep from the womb-like movement of a car ride. Bring a book to read in a parking lot while your baby naps.
Have two security blankets, cloth diapers, snuggle toys, same stuffed animals so both have the baby's scent. Then when one is being washed, your baby won't cry and be able to tell you are giving her another new blanket or cloth.
A cloth diaper works great as a security blanket, and it's shorter so it doesn't drag on the car floor.
Singing is great- a baby seems to learn more patience when the mother sings to her while she is waiting for his food etc.
Sing anything. After all, your baby won't know if you forget the words.
Don't expect your life to ever be the same again. There will be more worries but also more LOVE in your heart than you ever imagined you could have for anyone.
Go out on date nights with your baby's father, or out with the girls. Your baby will learn to have less separation anxiety if she has opportunities to see that you will come home after you go away. Play peek a boo a lot at first and get a Jack-in -the box to get your baby prepared for you leaving and coming home. She learns trust this way. "Bring back" a little book or toy (that you’ve bought ahead of time) so she looks forward to you going and coming back
Listen to advice but then trust your instincts and remember…you are the mother. If you need help, admit it and go for help. Talk realistically and honestly to others. It's a learning experience for all of you. If you expect perfection, you'll still have the tears and frustration, but you'll miss the fun and a wonderful experience to grow.
I hated this piece of advice but it turned out to be true… I had so many questions about baby care, feeding, dressing, sleeping, etc. and people often told me…don't worry you and baby will figure it all out. I hated that answer, I wanted to know, what people dressed their baby in to sleep, how did they know if they were too hot or too cold, is the diaper too loose or tight, are they eating enough/too much...etc But it is absolutely true, I had never been around a newborn before my own and you do figure it out as you go along.
Thanks to Court, Nic, Dunk, and my mom for the great advice. To the new mamas- let me know what you have to add to the list, as it's a work in progress.
I hope to have What To Do with a Toddler ready by the time these babies are crawling.
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